Page 29 of Beautiful Scars

"Believe it." He takes my hand, swinging our joined hands between us. "Now, I believe you mentioned something about a giant pretzel?"

The food court is busy but not packed. We find a table in a corner after loading up our trays—a massive pretzel to share, Chinese food for me, pizza for Levi.

"This is so weird," I laugh, looking down at my ratty jeans and oversized hoodie, then at the boutique shopping bags. "I feel like I'm living someone else's life."

"Why?" Levi steals a piece of my orange chicken.

"Because normal girls go shopping with their boyfriends all the time. They try on pretty dresses and eat mall food and..." I trail off, realizing what I just said.

"Boyfriends?" His eyebrow raises, but he's smiling.

Heat floods my cheeks. "I didn't mean—I just—"

"I like it." He reaches across the table, taking my hand. "Boyfriend has a nice ring to it."

"Yeah?" I can't help smiling back.

"Yeah." He tears off a piece of pretzel. "Though I have to warn you, as your official boyfriend, there will be more shopping trips in your future."

I throw a fortune cookie at him. "You're ridiculous."

"And once again I say, you love it."

"Maybe I do," I admit quietly.

His thumb traces patterns on my palm. "Good."

Chapter Fifteen

Sunny

Istandinfrontof the bathroom mirror, hands braced on the cool, porcelain edge of the sink, trying to breathe through the jittery, anxious feeling crawling up my spine.It’s like any other night,I remind myself for the hundredth time.

C'mon girl. You're turning this into a nightmare. It's supposed to be fun. Breathe. You got this.

My reflection isn’t buying it. Not one single word. In fact, the girl in the mirror looks ready to crawl out of her skin.

I'm a hot mess. My hair’s only half curled—the hot iron's lying abandoned in the sink. It's in the same place I dropped it when I burned my ear. For the second time. My makeup looks cakey and streaked thanks to the fine beads of nervous sweat dotting my skin.

The dress Levi bought for me to wear tonight is hanging on the back of my bedroom door, where it's been since I brought it home. I keep peeking out of the bathroom to look at it. It's beautiful, and not something I would’ve ever had the guts to try on by myself. He'd made such a big deal about taking me shopping. I'd felt so special. And the way he looked at me when I came out of the dressing room...

No one's ever looked at me like that before, and I can't imagine ever wanting anyone else to. I'd walked out of that store feeling on top of the world, untouchable, like the most beautiful girl alive. It's the most expensive thing I've ever owned. But, now, looking at it hanging there, waiting for me, I swear the soft, black, silky material and plunging neckline are laughing at me. Reminding me that I don't really deserve to feel those things. Shouldn't get my hopes up because I know how it ends. How it always ends.

I tug on the belt of my comfy cotton robe and tell myself to relax. For the millionth time.

Levi wouldn't do anything to hurt you. You’re safe. It's okay.

The mantra does little to stop the flutter of nerves that won’t settle down. It’s not that I don’t trust Levi, because I do. As much as I can trust anyone anyway. But surprises? Surprises freak me the hell out. They always have. There’s something about not knowing what’s coming that makes my brain go all jumpy and haywire. I’ve worked so hard to be okay with this though. Withhim.

Levi’s different. He’s safe. He’s good for me.

But that’s the problem, isn’t it? The sticking point. The big thing I can't seem to get past. Him being good for me.

It would be different if he treated me like everyone else. If he was mean. And rude. And demanding. If he took and never gave. I would know what to do with that. But I'm in unfamiliar territory with him. Lost. I don't know what to do with sweet kisses and kind words, patience and smiles.

I squeeze my eyes shut and grip the sink harder, fighting off the wave of nausea that hits me out of nowhere. I’m trying to focus on Levi, ontonight—how much he’s done for me, how good he’s been to me, and how excited I am to see what he has planned. But my mind keeps wandering back to where I was and what my lifewaslike. Before him.

I want this. I want this one night of being special, of knowing that I matter to someone. Please, just give me this one night.

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