Page 30 of Beautiful Scars

The sharp sizzle of a water drop hitting the hot curling iron snaps me out of my thoughts. I blink rapidly, trying to shake off these feelings, trying to ground myself back in thenow, in this moment. But anxiety keeps pressing in. It's relentless tonight. My heart’s racing, my palms are sweaty, and my hands tremble as I pick up my phone and check the screen.

No messages. No missed calls. I bite my lip and consider calling Levi, just to hear his voice. Something to calm myself down a little.

I bring up my contact list, tap his name and listen to the phone ring. Once. Twice. Three times.Then, straight to voicemail.I hang up quickly.

I stare at the screen, gnawing at my bottom lip, trying not to let even more panic and worry creep in. Healwaysanswers my calls.

He’s busy. That's all,I tell myself. He’s probably in the shower. Or putting the final touches on whatever he has planned.

God, I hate surprises.I'd trade it all away right now if I could hear his voice.

I tap his name again, let the phone ring, but this time I leave a message. "Hey Handsome. I'm almost finished getting ready and I, uh, I wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. I can't wait to see you tonight. I've got a surprise for you too. I'll see you in a few." I pause and take a deep breath before adding, "And hey... hurry up and get here already. I miss you."

I’m trying so hard to be okay.

I was telling the truth when I said I'd made plans of my own this past week. I decided that it was time. Time to let myself be okay with wanting what I want. And what I want ishim.

All of him.

Unplugging the curling iron, I brush through my hair. My hands tremble as I give myself a quick once-over in the mirror. I’m still a wreck—makeup uneven, my heart racing—but it’ll have to do. This is as good as it's going to get tonight.

"Okay, Sunny. Get it together,” I whisper to myself, pushing off the bathroom counter with shaky hands. I drag my feet down the hall to the bedroom—that damn dress staring at me the whole way.

I stop at the doorway, my eyes focused on the bed, where I've laid out the lacy black lingerie I’d bought special for tonight. I'dborrowedsome of the money my mom accidentally left out on the kitchen counter. She won't miss it. She probably doesn't even remember having it. I lied to Levi about not feeling good a couple days ago, so I could sneak off downtown and go shopping by myself. It was only a small little lie. I'm sure he'll understand. Later. After.

I can’t believe I’m even considering wearing something like this. It's so delicate andobvious.It'd taken a whole afternoon to find something perfect and the guts to buy it. Something sexy, but with enough material to cover the tattoo I'm not ready for him to see. Which will be never. I'll never be ready for him to see it.

My stomach tightens, and I can’t believe I’m actually going through with this tonight. These nerves aren't really about the lingerie and I know it. It’s abouthim. Levi’s been patient. He's never pushed — he’s never asked for more than I’m ready to give, but tonight… tonight I want to offer it all to him. I want him to know how much I trust him, how much I want him.

I also want, no,need,to prove to myself that I’m not broken beyond repair. That no matter what came before, I can be normal, have normal things, good things, in my life. That I'm more than damaged goods. But staring at the lingerie, I can’t help the wave of doubt that wants to sink me.

Can I really do this?

You deserve this,I remind myself, swallowing hard as I slip out of my robe. The soft black silk and delicate lace glide over my skin as I pull them on. How good the lingerie feels sliding over my skin is a stark contrast to how I feel inside. I’m shaking, and still nervous as hell, but I’m starting to smile too. Levi cares about me. I’ve never done this before—willingly offered myself to someone. And definitely not someone like Levi, not someone I care about.

I’m halfway through stepping into the dress when I hear it.

The front door. Opening and shutting. The heavy thud of boots crossing the wooden floor.

My pulse jumps, and for a second, relief floods me.Levi.He must’ve gotten my message and come over early. My nerves ease slightly and I hurry to finish pulling up the straps of the dress and rush out of my room and down the hall, my bare feet slapping against the hardwood as I call out, “Levi? You’re early! Guess you couldn't wait, huh? I'll be right down!”

Silence.

I pause at the top of the stairs, frowning. “Levi?”

Then I hear it. A deep, voice that vibrates through my whole body. It stops my heart and sucks the air out of my lungs.

I shake my head confused.That's not Levi’s voice. It's not Levi.

It takes me a moment to recognize the voice filtering up the stairwell to me.

It's Garrett’s voice. Garrett's here. A pit settles into my stomach.

“Well hello Princess. Happy birthday.” Garrett's standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up at me. His dark brown eyes are glassy and glazed over. He lets out a low whistle as he takes me in. "You're right. I couldn't wait anymore."

He winks and says, "Damn baby, you look so much better than I remember. You didn't have to go getting all dressed up for me. Kind of a waste really."

My entire body goes cold, and numb. Icy fingers of dread creep up my spine, freezing me in place. My heart starts to pound in my chest, too loud, too fast. I can’t move. Ican’tbreathe. He shouldn’t be here. Hecan’tbe here. Not now. Not tonight.

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