Page 113 of Lessons in Heartbreak

“Yeah. All he said when he came to my apartment to tell me he’d done that was, ‘Why do you think I have to work so hard? So I’m the one they’ll take seriously when shit like this happens. And as long as you’re around, it will keep happening.’”

“Oh, Griffin,” she sighed. “He never even gave you a chance to change, did he?”

“Just wait,” I added lightly. “Story time isn’t over yet, birdy. It gets better.” I wanted to knock back a strong drink, but I took another sip of my water instead. “We both stayed in Oregon that summer instead of going home, but we kept out of each other’s way as much as possible. While I was out one night, I met this girl. Rachel. She was beautiful. Smart. Driven. We didn’t have anything serious, but at the time, I thought ... this is exactly the kind of woman who’d make me want a real relationship.”

“Rachel,” she said slowly. “Didn’t your brother ...”

“Marry her?” I said in a dry tone. “He did.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “We weren’t aware she was dating both of us at the same time. Then ... she got pregnant with Bryce. We hadn’t slept together in over a month by that point. I went on a trip with Marcus to visit his family, was busy when I got home, so she knew it was Barrett’s. She came clean to both of us after that. They got engaged because my brother, of course, stepped up to do the right thing and take care of her. Barrett and I stopped talking when they got married.”

There was a telling beat of silence—thick and loaded—while she took that in. Her brow was probably pinched, eyes big in her face. If she were in front of me, I’d smooth my thumb in that space between her eyebrows and tell her not to worry.

“Isn’t he divorced now?”

“He is. Lucky guy. She’s a fucking snake.”

“So why don’t you talk now? If she’s out of the picture.”

I managed a tight grin, thankful she couldn’t see. “Because the night he asked for a divorce, she showed up at my apartment in New York, and he followed her. Found her coming out of my place not long after she showed up.”

“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “D-did you—”

“No. But he assumed we did. Couldn’t bring himself to actually ask.”

“Didn’t you tell him? I can’t believe he’d think that.” Her indignation came through the phone like a heat wave, and I had to smile. Still defending me, even when I didn’t deserve it.

“I told him she wasn’t there more than a few minutes.” I swallowed, staring up at the stars, brighter now in the ink-black sky. “And I guess that wasn’t enough of a denial to him.”

“He didn’t believe you?”

“Why would he? All Barrett ever saw me as was the fuckup little brother who skated by on luck and a big personality.”

“That is not true,” she said hotly. “You’re ... you’re so talented, Griffin. And smart and kind and funny.”

“You gonna fight my battles for me, birdy?”

“Yes.He’s not being fair.”

“No, he wasn’t,” I admitted. The next words came out slower, like I had to tear them from my throat. “But ... sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I would’ve reacted any differently if I was him.”

She paused. “What do you mean?”

I swiped a hand over my mouth and tried to figure out how to say all the things looping through my brain. “I’m just as stubborn as he is, you know? I acted out, made childish decisions, pushed his buttons when I could’ve just ... backed off. I was so focused on not being him that it became this mask I was wearing, you know? Dropping it got harder and harder the older I got.”

“You weren’t wearing a mask with me,” she said, and I smiled at how certain she sounded.

“No, I wasn’t.”

Ruby sucked in a breath. “So ... what would happen if you told your brother that? He was wrong too. He judged you unfairly, and he owes you an apology for that. But maybe ... maybe you could take the first step, if you wanted to try and fix things.”

I laid a hand on my chest and did nothing more than breathe. When I finally spoke, I could hardly hear the words. “And what if he still doesn’t hear me? What if ... what if we’re just doomed to always live in the mold people place us in?”

She paused. “Do you really believe that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe,” I told her. “I think sometimes you hear people talk about you long enough, you start believing what they say. You start acting the way they expect, because why not, you know? Saying stupid shit because everyone thinks you’ve got a big mouth anyway. And then before I know it, I’ve become the exact kind of guy my brother thinks I am.”

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