Page 114 of Lessons in Heartbreak

“You’re not, though. You’re not.” She sniffed again, and the thought that Ruby Tate would lose any tears over me made me feel like tearing at my own skin. “You are wonderful, Griffin. I wish you could see it.”

My eyes burned at the plea buried in her voice. “I think you’ve made me better, Ruby. So I guess I owe you a thank-you too.”

“Me? I didn’t do anything.”

“You gonna argue with me about my emotional growth?”

“Well ... no. But I don’t think I can take credit for it either.”

“You probably should. All this time, I needed my own little birdy to knock me back into line,” I said lightly, but my heart was racing at the truth of it. I had to grit my teeth, claw my way back into some semblance of composure, because I was seconds away from asking if I could drive to her place, no matter how late it was. Seeing her would be enough to satisfy the craving that had throbbed constantly since I’d left. Touching her would send me to my knees.

“I don’t think you needed me to put you anywhere,” she insisted. “If anything changed for you, it’s because you wanted it to.”

I scrubbed my face as I sat up in the chair. Everything in my head was spinning out of control, and until I heard her voice, I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten.

“Do you want to fix things?” she asked. “With your brother, I mean.”

I want to fix things with you,I thought desperately.Bring us back to where we were before.I didn’t spend my time wisely when she was right in front of me. Every night, I should’ve slept with her in my arms and memorized the perfect way she fit against me. Every day, I should’ve spoiled her rotten, kept her warm and safe, held her hand in the dark and felt the steady thrum of her heart under my cheek while I curled my body over hers.

I chose my words carefully. “It should be easy, shouldn’t it? To put yourself out there with someone who ... who means a lot to you.”

Ruby was quiet for a moment. “It should.”

My eyes pinched shut. “But what if they don’t want what you want? What if you give them a glimpse of what you’ve been hiding underneath all the bullshit and they still walk away?”

Through the phone, I heard a trembling breath escape her mouth, and I had to tilt my head back to fight for control.

“I think you have to decide what you’ll regret more,” she said slowly. “If the risk is worth it.”

It was a humbling thing, to admit how much of my life I’d been held back by a fear of truly disappointing people. Oh, I’d done that in spades, but it wasn’t me trying to be the best version of myself. Wasn’t me trying at all, really.

But when you finally find someone who makes you want to be better? The fear becomes a looming shadow you can’t escape and you can’t ignore. I didn’t want to just be better for Ruby; I wanted her every fucking day I could have her, and there was no denying it anymore.

A flash of her face looped through my mind, when she’d asked me to teach her. When she’d set down her own fears and asked for help. When she’d risked something important because the regret would’ve weighed too heavy at the end of the day.

Sitting there in the dark, underneath the blue sky and the bright stars, I knew that when it came to Ruby Tate, I’d regret doing nothing. I’d regret it until the day I died.

“I’m going to change the subject for a second,” I warned her.

“Okay.”

“Will you come to the first day of training camp? Players invite friends and family, and ... and I’d like to have you there.” My chest expanded on a deep breath. “I don’t usually have anyone out there for me.”

Ruby let out a shocked noise. “Really? I ... Are you sure? That seems like a big deal.”

“It is,” I admitted slowly, heart hammering. “For me, it is. I’ve never asked anyone, but ... will you come? It’s not for another couple weeks, and ... I know you’re busy, and so am I. But I’d love to see you. Maybe you could come over after and see my place. Climb up in my tree and test it out.”

“If that’s a euphemism, you need to work harder.”

I laughed deeply, the smile in her voice sending a warm jolt through my veins. “It’s not, but I’ll take that into consideration.”

“Okay,” she said shyly. “Text me the date, and I’ll ... I’ll see if it works in my schedule.”

Hope bled through my chest, and even though half of me wondered what the fuck I was playing at, I knew I had to do something. Anything.

After so many weeks, she hadn’t faded from my mind in the slightest, and I knew one thing for certain: I wasn’t willing to be nothing to her anymore.

Chapter Twenty-EightRuby

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