Page 74 of Lessons in Heartbreak

Ruby’s forehead did that delicate little wrinkling thing it did when she was thinking really hard. After a slight hesitation, she spoke. “Is that what you want? To be friends?”

Fear gripped me instantly, because no, it really fucking wasn’t. Even sitting here, I had to fight an overwhelming urge not to touch her as she talked, or tuck her up against my chest and listen to her breathe, just to assure myself that she was okay.

Was that how you acted with friends? For a moment, I tried to imagine tucking Marcus’s big-ass body up against my chest, and I grimaced. “No.”

She sucked in a breath as she nodded slightly. “No?”

“I want ...” I looked down at my hands and stretched out my fingers, then curled them into tight fists, needing that anchor of tension because I felt so fucking powerless.

Ruby took pity on me, easing one of her hands over mine.

“I’ve talked a lot tonight, Griffin. Maybe if you told me what you’re feeling about all this, it might help us figure out where to go next.”

I wiped at my mouth and studied her while my thoughts attempted to untangle themselves. “We almost had sex tonight. And then I found out you almost died. That’s ... that’s a lot. I’m not surehowI feel.”

With those big gray eyes fixed steadily on me, my hands started sweating a little bit. How ridiculous. I didn’t have sweaty palms when I was in the divisional championship. Maybe that was my problem.

If something this big happened out on the field, I’d know exactly what to do. I’d know how to process some big, earth-trembling change without blinking. I’d listen to my gut and trust my training, but this entire thing with Ruby—from the very beginning—had me feeling so incredibly out of my element.

“I’m scared to hurt you,” I blurted. “Like ... even sitting here, I have this crazy fucking feeling in my chest.” I rapped lightly at the space over my heart and just let the words come out without second thought. “Like I should be gentle.” I tilted my head while my hands reached out, carefully tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Tender. Cover you with a blanket or carry you to bed and make sure you’re sleeping. Warm up soup or something. I don’t really know why, because in general, I think soup is a giant fucking waste of a meal.”

Her eyes went soft. “Do you?”

“Yes. No one’s full after soup. Not unless you eat an entire loaf of bread with it.”

“But you want to feed me soup,” she clarified.

“Yes.” I shook my head. “I don’t fucking know—you’re staring at me with those big eyes and I can’t think straight.”

“Sorry.” But she smiled a crooked little smile, and I felt a jump in my pulse at the sight of it. God, if I wouldn’t hurt someone just to see this woman smile. “That’s a lie, actually. I’m not sorry.”

“I think that’s because you enjoy torturing me.”

“Everyone needs hobbies, Griffin,” she said solemnly.

With a slight roll of my eyes, I sat back on the couch and stretched my arm to the side, easing my legs apart while I tried to figure out what to say next.

“Does that tenderness scare you?” she asked quietly.

“Yes.”

My gruff answer didn’t seem to deter her. If anything, she looked more and more certain the longer this nonsensical little therapy session went on.

Ruby sucked in a deep breath and moved, shifting to brace one knee on the couch as she rose up. Her hands settled onto my shoulders, and she swung her other leg over my lap and settled her slight weight on top of me, looking down into my shocked face with a stunning sort of resolve.

“What are you doing?” I barked, keeping my hands straight out. But when I tell you the urge totenderlygrab her ass was strong ... I mean it.

“We can’t be friends,” she stated. “Not after the last couple of days. To your point, we almost had sex, though I’d amend that to say we never would’ve gone any further because the unsanitary nature of a bathroom is the least sexy thing I can imagine.”

I arched an eyebrow, ignoring the way my hard-on grew underneath her as she settled herself more fully on top of me. “I think you found it sexy enough, birdy.”

She let out a lofty sigh. “Fine. It’s a moot point because we stopped anyway.”

“And you relocated to my lap, why?”

“Because I wanted to.” Her own eyebrow arched, and I had a feeling it looked so much more imperious than mine. “And I’ve found, in this new phase of my life, that when I want to do something because I think it will feel good, I’m going to follow that impulse.” Ruby huffed. “Isn’t that your fault? You encouraged all this.”

“I’m very good at encouraging a lot of stupid shit; it doesn’t mean you should keep doing it.”

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