Page 109 of The Jerk in Apartment 1B

Cole shrugs. “Just talk to her and apologize for being a dick. Everyone has bad moments. She’ll understand.”

“Maybe, but then what?”

“What do you mean?”

“What the hell am I doing? I see her every day. She’s with me every night. We go out all the time. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I wasn’t even supposed to sleep with her and now she’s practically living with me. And yeah, I realize I’m the one who encouraged this, but it was never supposed to happen.”

“So why’d you do it? Why’d you let it get this far if it isn’t what you wanted?”

“Because I like being with her. I miss her when she’s not around. I keep telling myself to stop spending so much time with her, but then I end up at her apartment or I ask her to come over.”

“You can’t have it both ways. You can’t be with her, but still keep her at a distance. This isn’t like you and Bridget. It isn’t just sex. You actually have feelings for Trina.”

“Yeah, so what am I going to do about it? She’s the first girl I’ve felt anything for since Megan. I didn’t expect this. I don’t know what to do.”

“You could start by telling her about Megan.”

I look at him like he’s crazy. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“Because she’s part of who you are. Not telling Trina about her, you’re keeping a huge part of yourself a secret.”

“That part of me is gone. I left it in California.”

“You tell yourself that, but it’s not true. You’re still the Scott I knew back then. You’re still the guy with the big dreams. The big heart. The guy who’s always trying to help someone. Just look at this building. You bought it so people would have a cheap place to live while they work on their business. You believe in their dreams as much as Megan believed in yours. That’s the part of you that’s her. And it’s still with you, still part of who you are.”

I lean back on the couch, rubbing my jaw. “I think I need to end it.”

“Are you talking about Trina?”

“Yeah. I can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to her. We said we’d keep this casual, but we haven’t. We let ourselves get to the place we’re at now. It needs to end before it goes any farther.”

“Or you could stay with her. See where it goes.”

“Are you serious?” I let out a harsh laugh. “Did you forget what happened today? I saw one piece of paper with a drawing on it and completely lost it. I couldn’t even talk to Trina after that. You really think she wants a guy who can’t keep himself together when he’s reminded of his dead fiancé?”

“I think she would if you told her the truth.”

“I don’t need to, because I’m not getting involved with her. I’m not going through that again. Megan was the love of my life and she was taken from me. If you knew how that felt, you’d understand. You’d know why I’ve chosen to stay single.”

“I get that, but I also know how happy you were with Megan. And I know you could be that happy again if you let yourself.”

“Yeah, so let’s assume I did that. I fall in love with a girl, we get married, and then she dies. From some freak accident. Or an illness. Or a car crash.”

“That could happen to anyone. It could happen to me. But we’re still friends. You’re not cutting me out of your life because you’re afraid of losing me.”

“It’s different when it’s the woman you love. Megan was everything to me. She was my future. And then, in an instant, she was gone. And sure, maybe something like that would never happen again, but why risk it?”

“Because you could have the life you wanted with someone else. I know it won’t be the same as being with Megan, but—”

“No. Megan was it for me. I had one chance at that life and it’s over.”

“Scott, come on. You’re not even 30. You really want to spend the rest of your life alone?”

“I’m not alone. I have my friends. My family. A business to run. I like my life. I’m not missing out on anything.”

I hear someone walking down the hall, then a knock on the door. “Scott? It’s Trina.”

“Shit,” I mutter.

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