Page 46 of The Jerk in Apartment 1B

“So, Nash, assuming you were single, would you have sex on a pool float in your apartment?”

“Trina’s asking this?” Nash says.

“No!” I say. “It has nothing to do with me. It’s about a guy I know. And Callie wasn’t supposed to ask you this, so feel free not to answer.”

“Why a pool float?” Nash says. “Why wouldn’t I just have sex in a bed?”

“There’s whipped cream involved,” Callie says, trying not to laugh.

“Oh. Well, then yeah. The pool float’s a good idea. Keeps the bed clean.”

“You might be right, Trina,” Callie says. “It’s possible he had sex on that thing.”

“That’s so disgusting,” I say, shuddering.

“Who are we talking about?” Nash says.

“My neighbor gave me a pool float,” I explain. “And I slept on it!”

“I’m sure he cleaned it off,” Nash says, like that makes it less disgusting.

“See what I mean, Callie?” I say. “Guys don’t care about germs. They don’t even think about it! Scott probably wiped it down with a paper towel and called it good. I have to get this thing out of my apartment. Can we talk later?”

“Yeah,” Callie says. “Let me know what happens.”

“Good talking to you, Trina,” Nash says.

“You too. Bye!” I put my phone down and search for something to cover my hands. I find a pair of winter gloves, put them on, then walk over to the door and open it all the way. I goover to the pool float and slide it out of my apartment and down the hall to Scott’s, trying to keep my body from touching it.

I knock a few times. “Scott? Are you in there?”

He doesn’t answer and I don’t hear him walking around. He must not be home. I’ll just have to leave it in the hallway.

As I turn to go back to my apartment, I hear Scott say, “What’s this?”

Turning back, I see Scott and Cole in the hallway next to the pool float.

“I’m giving it back,” I say.

“Why? I thought you needed it.”

“I don’t. You can have it back.”

“Did you get a mattress?”

“No.”

“So you’d rather sleep on the floor?”

“Yes,” I say, not wanting to explain why I don’t want the pool float, especially in front of his friend, although I’m sure he knows why Scott has it. Cole probably has one too.

“That doesn’t make sense.” Scott walks over to me. “The pool float isn’t anything great, but it’s better than sleeping on the floor.”

“I’d prefer the floor.” I cross my arms over my chest.

“What’s going on here?” Scott says. “Just tell me.”

“Maybe it sprung a leak.” Cole picks up the pool float. “Seems fully inflated.”

---