Page 55 of The Family Man

“I am sorry for shouting. Daddy was wrong for that.” I thought that would have worked. They both say nothing.

Nikhil is looking at me expecting more.

“I know this is all still new but, I do love you guys.” It’s like I set a bomb off.

She sits up quickly “Mom said you shouldn’t lie.” She folds her arms over her chest.

“What princess, I am not lying.” I stretch out my hands trying to make peace. It hurts to know that they thought that I don’t love them.

“You said to Uncle Daire that you wish mom didn’t have a baby in her tummy.” Her eyes shone with tears.

Ok I am breaking in two, “I’m sorry you heard that. I spoke out of frustration that day.”

She tilts her head and one of her pigtails slips over her shoulder, “Fwstration?”

“It’s me being afraid and not knowing what to do.”

She looks at Nikhil and they are doing that telepathic thing I can tell.

“You get scared?”

“Yes, I want to give you guys the best. It scares me that I may be wrong. I love you guys so much.” My arms are still empty and open, and I wait.

“You love me even though I broke your fancy crystal thing.” She’s talking about my crystal decanter filled with Hennessy that she broke.

“Even though I wrote on the bedroom wall?” I inhaled because she used a permanent marker on my wall. I had to do a paint touch up.

“Yes, princess even then.” Nikhil scratches his head like he needs more proof.

“Even when I cut Sage’s flower?” She winces.

“Even then. You may get me upset. But in the long run, I love you and your brother more than anything else.”

Nikhil tugs at his baby blue polo and walks slowly toward me. His tiny footsteps shuffle across the carpet.

When he finally reaches me, I don’t grab him. I feel his tiny arms go around my neck and he hugs me.

I want to squeeze the ever-living life out of him. I kiss the side of his dark head, my eyes threatening for water to slip out.

“Zac?”

“Yes, Poppy?”

“Can I hug you too?”

My heart stands still, I can’t talk, I just nod.

She jumps into my arms and begins to cry. “I am sorry, Zac.”

She smells like the Barbie conditioning shampoo, Amens baby powder and dirt.

I kiss the top of her head and shhhh her.

“It’s okay, princess,” I soothe her.

“Let's clean you both up and head downstairs. Sage is waiting.” I feel their little bodies against mine and I remind myself of the gift I have as a father.

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