The whole room is now full of harsh pheromones, anger from Jorge, and surprise and apprehension from Riley and Timothy.
I slowly stand up, trying to keep my voice calm, hoping he’ll get the message.“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right.What did you say?”My voice feels strange, like it’s not mine.
Jorge doesn’t seem to realise the change in situation.“I’mnotletting you put yourself in danger like that.Youcan’tgo.”
“Notlettingme?”I take a step towards him.“Notlettingme do my fucking job?Are you beingfuckingserious right now?”Fury is building under my skin and if I had any of the forsaken pheromones I’m supposed to have, he would know the danger he’s putting himself in right now.
“Yes.”He doesn’t back down, though the way his eyes keep shooting to Riley, who’s putting out enough enraged pheromones for the both of us, means he’s now well aware he’s overstepped a line.“You said it yourself, it’s very dangerous.Let someone else do it.”
Let someone else put themselves in danger?
Let someone else put themselves in danger for a jobIaccepted?
Like their lives aren’t worth as much as mine?
I grab Jorge’s shoulder with one hand, slamming him against the wall, pressing my knife against his throat with my other hand.“If youeverfuckingdareto prevent me from doing myfuckingjob, it will be thelastthing you’ll ever do.Am I clear?”
Colour drains from his face as he stares at me, terror in his eyes.He’s never looked at me like that before.But then, he’s never tried to get between me and my work before.
“You may be my Alpha, but you don’townme.This is myjob, this is what Ido.I’m the one in charge of this organisation, not you.You havenosay over how I do my work.Is that clear?”I step back, my body filled with fury at Jorge even thinking that he can control me like that, that he can tell me what I can and can’t do.
Jorge’s head drops down, like he’s lost all fight in him.“I can’t lose you.”His voice brimming with tears and he shoots me one last look, one between anger and pain, before he flees from the library.
Fuck...
Those words…
That look in his eyes...
The anger drains from me in an instant and my chest aches.
Oh, no.No, no, no.
I glance at Riley and Timothy, who haven’t moved yet, only staring at me.“I’ll be right back.”
I can’t let him leave like this.I can’t let him leave when he looks hurt like that.I can’t let him leave believing that I would ever needlessly put myself at risk, especially because I know how much that would hurt him.
My heart races as I run after Jorge.“Wait!”
Of course, he keeps going, but I’m in much better shape than him and manage to catch up.“Wait.Please.”I grab his wrist and he tries to break free, but I hold on as tightly as possible.His pheromones are filled with pain and they make the ache in my chest even worse.
He stops fighting me, but doesn’t turn around, keeping his back to me.
“I’m sorry.I didn’t realise...”My breath comes out in short bursts.‘I can’t lose you.’The words keep going through my head.“I didn’t realise where you were coming from.”I try to make him turn to me, but he refuses.“You know this is my job, you’ve always known.”
“I’ve always hated it.”His voice is quiet, controlled, but still heavy with tears.“On nights when you’re away on a mission, I don’t sleep until you reply to some inane question I’ve sent you, just to make sure you’re still alive.If it’s a longer mission, or if your phone is out of service, I’m not able to go to sleep until I know you’re safely back home.”
I stare at his back, now glad he can’t see the tears running down my face.I had no idea.“I always make it back home safe.I don’t go out on missions that I know I won’t return from.Ialwaysmake sure to make it back home safe.”
“But one day, you might not, and I can’t stand the thought of that.”He finally turns around, wrapping his arms around me, holding me so tight it’s hard to breathe.“I can’t lose you.”
I keep my arms by my side, not sure I can hold him just yet.If he still can’t accept that this is part of my job, then we’re going to have to have some really complicated discussions.“I can’t live my life constantly worried about the small chance something goes wrong.If I want to take down the Hearts, if I want to help people escape from them, I need to take risks.There will always be risks.”
“I know.”He lets me go, noticing the tears on my face.He reaches up, wiping them away as he lets out a long breath.“I’m sorry.I won’t stop you from going out on missions.It’s selfish of me to keep you home and send someone else out to take those risks instead.Just because I don’t want you to die, doesn’t mean someone else should die in your place.I’m sorry.”
“As my Alpha, as my scent match, it’s normal to worry about me.But as someone involved in the same world, you have to know the danger all of us are always in, no matter what we do.”
He nods, his eyes down.“Please, promise me you’ll take extra precautions from now on.It’s no longer just you and me.Vera is involved too and so are Caleb and Riley.”He takes my hands, his pheromones swirling between emotions faster than I can process them.“You’repregnant.We’re a pack, afamily.Everything has changed.You’re not on your own.You have people who love you and want to help you.But for that, you have to make sure you stayalive.”