Page 18 of Bad At Love

“I’m not an idiot. This is what I’m talking about. You don’t have to pretend like he hadn’t been a controlling asshole just so I have a relationship with him.”

“I won’t listen to anyone in this matter,” Chaaru said in a firm tone. “As for being alone, you know that’s not true. I have Mona and Laura and DP and you and friends from work and dance and…I’ve built a life that I’m happy with. Do you hear me?”

Chaaru’s each word—pulsing with resolve—hit DP like punches coming at him from all directions.

After what felt like an eternity, Kaasi nodded.

Chaaru let go of him and went to the kitchen, her movements jerky. The sound of water and the tinkle of glassware filled the heavy silence.

When Kaasi turned to DP, his puppy-dog eyes seeking approval, DP hugged him tight. It looked like he was comforting Kaasi, but he was the one who needed it.

Even knowing her resistance to romantic relationships, her words were a punch to the gut. It was the wake-up call he needed. But right then, he felt like he’d lost something infinitely precious. He’d loved her for so long that there was already a Chaaru-shaped hole inside him.

He tapped Kaasi’s cheek when they pulled back. “You okay?”

Kaasi nodded and cleared his throat. He grabbed his backpack and car keys. “I’m going to study at my friend’s tonight and drive to campus from there in the morning,” he announced loudly.

Chaaru gave him a watery smile and a nod from the kitchen.

“Drive safe,” they yelled at the same time as Kaasi closed the door behind him.

8

DP tidied the living room and broke down the empty pizza boxes for recycling, the need to escape battering at him.

“Leave it,” Chaaru said, reaching for the blanket he was folding.

“It’s done.” He fluffed the pillows and hung the blanket to the side the way she liked it. And when he was sure that the sticky feeling of loss from his throat was under control, he looked up.

Her wet hair had dried into a tangled mess and her eyes looked red-rimmed. She looked like how he felt inside—knocked down, winded. Tenderness filled him, urging him to take her in his arms. He tucked his hands into his pant pockets instead. “You okay?”

She gripped her temple, still sniffling. “I didn’t realize he was thinking all these things.”

“You raised him to be a thoughtful man.”

“But I don’t want him to worry over me,” she said with that stubbornness that both awed and frustrated him.

“Remember what you told me when Maggie first said she wanted to go to California and I said no and we got into that big fight?” he said, gentling his tone. “She didn’t talk to me for a month.”

“No,” she said, with a watery smile. “What did I say?”

“That just because I raised her didn’t mean I could curtail who she wants to be. You did everything right by Kaasi. Sooner or later, he was going to wise up to how much you’ve sacrificed for him.” He swallowed, the words he needed to say sticking like thorns in his throat. “On the relationship front, you made your stance clear.”

If only his heart could get the message too…

She nodded, her gaze distant.

He grabbed his keychain and set to working on unhooking one from the bunch. His fingers shook and that rational part of him said he was being unfair, punishing her for knowing her heart. But he had to look out for himself.

It was time to imagine his life without Chaaru.

Finally, he had the damned key off the bunch. Turning around so she didn’t see his actions, he dropped it in the ceramic dish on the coffee table. The damned thing tinkled loudly in the silence.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing,” he said, cursing himself.

“You dropped something.” She pushed past him and stared at the dish.

---