Page 44 of Wicked Tricks

He nodded once, still not meeting my eyes, only looking straight ahead.

I sighed and decided it wasn’t worth pushing him.

What would I even say?

How could I come back from what I had said?

Once again, my mouth had possibly ruined another operation. I opened the car door and closed it softly behind me as I stepped out onto the sidewalk. Before I could turn around, he sped off, the squealing of the wheels echoing through the quiet street as the tyres tried to find traction with the road.

I felt my bottom lip quiver slightly, and I inhaled deeply - trying to centre myself. The disappointment I felt with myself stung hard, and the thought of letting the girls down again made me feel sick to my stomach.

It was so simple.

All I had to do was be friendly, and play along.

Too defensive, too aggressive - I had been described this way many times before and it had never affected me. Now, I was starting to think that way about myself. Perhaps I was too far gone, too damaged to operate as a normal human being.

This was why I knew I belonged in the shadowy part of society, never destined to be among the well-adjusted humans that I knew had to exist somewhere. The one place that I felt comfortable and as if I belonged - I was now putting in jeopardy. Now I was beginning to think that I didn’t belong anywhere, or with anyone.

No.

I shook my head and cancelled my self-thrown pity party - I was not in the wrong here. He started it.

I took a deep breath and stormed into the lobby of my building and stabbed my finger against the up button on the elevator impatiently. Feeling guilty or sorry for myself was nothing but a waste of time in this situation. This man didn’t deserve my sympathy.

What did I care if I hurt his feelings?

He was the last person I should’ve been worried about. I shook away the uneasy feeling I felt rising in my throat and told myself I wouldn’t think about it anymore.

Swinging open the door, I felt glad that the girls would be at work.

It was almost midnight, and their night would’ve only just been starting - but I was grateful that mine was over. The house was dark, and I kept the lights off. The apartment still had a warm, hazy glow from our large salt lamp and the distant specks from the city that peered through the window.

I changed into my comfy clothes, a plain black crop tee and biker shorts. Heading back into the living room, I stood at the large window that overlooked the cityscape and put my hands on my hips as the sky broke with heavy rainfall.

I even considered going back to work - just for something to fill my mind.

Plopping onto the couch with a huff, I turned on the TV and flipped mindlessly through the many channels. I stared at the moving pictures on the screen but didn’t hear a word.

The guilt was heavy in my stomach for what I said, but I was also still furious that he had the audacity to bring up my past in the way that he did.

Stories about myself that I kept so close, that I spent so much time hiding and trying to forget. I didn’t want anyone to know - let alone him. It felt more real that way, it was harder to pretend that it never happened. The fact that he knew the stories of my childhood meant that he also knew my real name.

I swallowed a lump in my throat.

I had spent so long distancing myself from that name, that girl, and with a simple mention of it from that man, everything came flooding back.

He knew about it, that meant it had to be real.

I couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t anymore.

I couldn’t pretend that Remy never existed.

I laid down, bringing my knees up to my chest and cuddling myself. I must’ve dozed off not long after and in my half-asleep state, I jumped when there was an urgent knock at the door. I checked the time on my phone, and it was still too early for the girls to be getting in - plus, none of those bitches knocked.

I stood, careful to be quiet, and carefully retrieved the gun hidden in the hollowed out book by the TV. I held the metal against my thigh as the person knocked again, and I looked through the peephole - it was Antoni.

My body relaxed, but only momentarily, what did he want?

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