Page 52 of Waiting Game

Maybe I was weak.

“I killed a guy today, Rome. This was why I left. I didn’t want to contribute to this part of society. I didn’t want to be a monster like my father, you know? I saw so much that I should not have seen as a kid. It made it hard to see my dad as a person, and not just a killer. Now, I’ve seen Antoni do it, I’ve seen Ren do it, and now myself. How am I supposed to just forget?”

“I think you’re looking at it wrong,” she frowned, “you didn’t just murder some random guy. You saved Lorenzo’s life, and maybe Antoni’s and maybe mine.”

I shook my head.

“They attackedus, they followedus,” Rome insisted, “we just did what we had to do.”

“But we wouldn’t have to do any of that if they didn’t live this way,” I said, “this is the thing I’ve always struggled with. This is why I begged Antoni to step down when Dad died. Why not just live a normal, honest life?”

“Because some of us don’t belong there,” Rome said quietly.

I exhaled hard, because for the first time - I understood.

Being here had made me realise just how much I was trying to force myself to fit into my life back in Perth. My normal life - if that’s what I could even call it. It had been a lifelong issue, never feeling like I belonged among normal, innocent people. People who didn’t grow up how I did, who didn’t have a childhood filled with blood, violence, and death.

Rome put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close for only a second before she let me go. I smiled a half-hearted smile at her, and she got up and went back inside.

I sat on those steps for a long time.

* * *

I went back inside, up to the room where Ren was sleeping, and leaned against the door frame. Antoni was sitting in a chair by the bed, hunched over and playing on his phone. I knocked lightly against the door and he turned around.

“Hey,” he whispered, getting up and joining me out in the hall.

“How’s he doing?” I asked.

It hurt to see him how he was. The sheets where he laid were stained with blood, and the bedroom now looked more like the hospital rooms where I worked.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Antoni said, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “Doc said he just needs to take it easy for a few weeks. He got really lucky,” he said.

I scoffed, “lucky?”

Antoni frowned, “where the bullet hit, it was a lucky spot to be hit. There’s no need for the snark,” he scolded.

“This is why I never wanted him involved in this,” I said, crossing my arms.

“He made a choice, Val. This is our life. We’re going to deal with the Redliners, don’t you worry.”

“Don’t worry?” I scoffed again, “how can I not worry, knowing now what you fucking get up to?”

He chuckled, “don’t act like you didn’t already know. You’re as much a part of this family as the rest of us, as much as you love to pretend that you’re not.”

“You seriously don’t get it, do you?”

“Of course I get it, Val,” he sighed, “but are you seriously going to avoid us all forever?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know anymore, Toni.”

He smiled slightly, and nodded.

Even though I gave him so much shit, Antoni was probably the person who understood more than anyone. I knew that he wasn’t exactly thrilled with the position of our family either, but somehow, he managed to ignore it.

I never could.

“We just miss you, is all,” he said, elbowing me in the side.

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