But I sighed, and decided that I would give her the experience of telling me off one more time before I never fucking returned.
I opened the door wide and Mum stepped in, looking around at my less than impressive hotel room, and then at my half-packed suitcase.
She laughed once and shook her head.
“So you’re running away again?” she asked, placing her handbag down on the small side table near the television.
“I’m not running away,” I crossed my arms, “I’m going home.”
She pushed my bags to one corner of the bed and sat down on the other, crossing her ankles in a ladylike manner.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Because I had a feeling that you were going,” she sighed.
“And?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Is it wrong of me to want to see my daughter before she disappears again?”
I shrugged, “I thought you would be glad to see me gone.”
“Look Valerie, I know that we haven’t had the best relationship,” she started.
I scoffed, “that’s an understatement.”
She glared at me for interrupting her, “but, I still want what’s best for you.”
Taking a shuddering breath, I bit my lip and looked at my shoes.
“So, I hope that you never return.”
I chuckled, “gee thanks, Mum.”
“Not like that,” she sighed, standing and walking towards me, “I just… If you’re happy over there, that’s where I want you to be.”
I tried to swallow the harsh lump in my throat, but it wouldn’t go away.
“This man you’re with,” she smiled a little, “he makes you happy?”
I shrugged, “I guess.”
She frowned, “you guess?”
I shrugged again.
She pulled me in for a tight hug, and I froze for a moment as I tried to remember the last time that my mother had hugged me. But I must have been too young to remember, because nothing came to mind.
Leaning against her, I took in the sensation of her arms around me, holding me together without even knowing that she was. I took in the memory of her signature perfume and the feeling of her wiry hair against my cheek. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the moment, knowing that it would probably never happen again.
“Of course I want you here, Valerie. But I want you to be happy and content with who you are more than that.”
“You’re not still mad at me? For betraying The Family?” I choked.
She sighed, pulling away and holding me at arms length, “I will always be disappointed,” she said slowly, “but I’m not mad anymore.”
“Why?”
“I spoke to Antoni,” she said, “he told me some things that I never knew about that made me understand you a little better, I guess..”