Page 85 of Break Me, Daddy

“I’m really proud of you for recognizing that.”

Color blossomed on her cheeks as she smiled shyly up at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s not an easy thing to admit you aren’t ready for something, especially something you’ve worked so hard for. Taking the time for yourself, getting yourself back into a healthy headspace before trying again shows a lot of strength and maturity. I’m proud of you,” he repeated, some of the ache in his chest easing when her smile stretched into a full-blown grin.

“I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess I’m pretty proud of myself, too.”

“You should be. So what happened after the meeting?”

He could kick himself for pressing when the joy faded from her eyes. “Dad was pissed. Told me I’d been a disappointment to him from the day my mother found out she was having a girl instead of the boy they’d been promised. I guess they went the designer baby route and didn’t get the product they’d paid for. I don’t know why they never tried again but… yeah. I’m it for them, and I’ve never been what they wanted. What they expected. I’ve never been anything but a disappointment to them.”

Grief welled inside him. Grief for the little girl who’d never had a hope of living up to an impossible expectation. Grief for the woman she’d become, so deprived of love she couldn’t accept it even when it was freely offered. Grief for everything she should have had, that she’d been robbed of her entire life.

“Baby…” Cupping her face in his hands, he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers. “I’m so fucking sorry. I wish you’d told me. I never would have punished you if I’d known.”

“No, no, I’m glad you did. I…” She went quiet, and he swore he could hear her brain working, trying to find the right words. “When I’m with you, everything goes… quiet. Especially when you’re spanking me. Or fucking me, but I probably shouldn’t say that since?—”

Moving purely on instinct and desperate, clawing need he leaned in, pressing his lips to hers, coaxing her to open for him. And when she did, when she surrendered, he was lost. Drowning in the taste of her, the feel of her.

With a soft whimper she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him, all those lean lines and gentle curves trembling in his arms as he once more claimed what was his.

Pulling away, she stared up at him, worry and wonder shining in the dark amber of her eyes. “We’re not supposed to be doing this. It’s against the rules.”

“Fuck the rules.”

But when he leaned in again, she pressed a hand to his chest. “No.”

That single word stopped him in his tracks. “No?”

“No.” Her expression was somehow both determined and vulnerable at the same time, a mixture that threatened to unravel him. “I don’t want you to hate me when it’s over.”

“Baby. I could never hate you.”

“Maybe not. But you were right. We should know—Ishould know this is what I want before we go down that road again.”

Nothing she could have said in that moment would have sliced him open more cleanly, more effectively than that. “You’re still not sure.”

“I don’t know. I care about you, Holden. And I love being here with you. But I’m still trying to figure out if it’s just because I need you or because I’m really in love with you. I’m sorry.”

“No. I’m the one who owes you an apology. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I promised myself I’d give you space but fuck, Frankie. When you moved out of our bedroom, it nearly killed me. I don’t know if I can handle you leaving me again.”

Maybe it was manipulative. But he’d always insisted on honesty from her, and he’d always prided himself on giving her the same in return.

“Oh.” Mouth dipping down in a frown, she stared up at him. “I only did that because I thought it was what you wanted.”

“Why the hell would you think that?”

“Well… we were supposed to be keeping things platonic. And you said you needed space. So I was giving you space.”

“Fuck.” Dragging a hand through his hair, he let out a disbelieving laugh. “We really need to get better about our communication. Next time you want to make a change like that because youthinkit’s what I want, ask me first. So we can talk about it and neither of has to guess what's going on in the other’s head.”

“I can do that.”

“Good.” He blew out a breath that wasn’t nearly as steady as he would have liked. “Good. We, ah, should…”

“Right.” With a smile that was a little too tight around the edges, she slid from his lap. “I’m just… gonna go upstairs for a bit. Lie down. It’s been a long day.”

“It has. I need to get some work done anyway. I’ll call you down when dinner is ready if I don’t see you before then.”

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