Page 43 of The Boyfriend Gamble

Only when I lay in my bed that night, did I admit the truth.

I wanted Felix.

Had for years and years. When he’d hit puberty, late, I’d finally noticed him inthatway. But I’d shelved those thoughts. He was my best friend’s younger brother. He was practically engaged to my sister, although they were just fourteen at the time.

Years of suppressing those desires hadn’t yielded any great results. I’d dated any number of men and women. But none had ever beenright. Now I knew why.

None had ever been Felix.

His sexual aggression today had come out of left field. We’d been talking about the fact Josie’s wedding picture didn’t show the bride, and the next thing I knew, he’d been on top of me. And it’d felt so fucking good. In fact, I probably could’ve taken him right there and then. With little to no persuading necessary on my part. For all my bravado when I talked to Wally, I took sex seriously. Aside from keeping a packet of lube and a condom in my wallet, I also didn’t fuck just anyone. I might not be overly picky, but I also rarely did it on the first date. I liked getting to know a person—their quirks, their interests, their dreams.

You know all that about Felix.

Goddamnit, that was so fucking true. In fact, before today, I’d have said I knew Felix as well as I knew Wally or Josie. He was an open book. I had the answer key.

Or so I’d thought. Now, though, I knew nothing.

And that scared the shit out of me.

Because, here in the dark, I could admit what I’d suppressed for years.

I was in love with Felix.

Chapter Nine

Felix

AsIsatonmy bed, I reflected over the last month.

Renovations finished? Check.

Decorations completed? Check.

Wedding date set? Check.

My heightened state of stress had my stomach continuously in knots. I’d assumed Josette would want an extended engagement period. She didn’t. Heck, I couldn’t even pinpoint the moment we’d agreed on a wedding date. She just told me to show up on the first Saturday of August. My tuxedo sat on a hanger in the closet. With all my other clothes. Today was the last Sunday in July. The day of our engagement party.

Josie had yet to move her things into the house. Something about superstition…I thought…? Everything just seemed to pass me by these days. Wally had insisted we go out for a bachelor party last night. When Ben, my teaching friend, found me in the bathroom throwing up, he and Isaac, his husband, shepherded me home. Wally, Jacob, and the other guys had stayed at the Springs Brew Pub to, apparently, close the place down. Meanwhile, Ben coaxed me into bed and Isaac made some kind of special tea with ginger to calm my stomach.

I’m having an engagement party today.Except that hadn’t really sunk in. I’d spent the last month getting the house organized, but Josie kept me away from wedding-planning stuff. I probably should’ve cared. But I hadn’t.

A knock on the bedroom door caught me by surprise. I rarely closed the door since I was the only one living here, but probably Ben and Isaac had done it before they’d left. And my front door was likely unlocked as well, although that wasn’t much of a concern in these parts. “Uh, come in.”

The door opened slowly, and a blonde head popped around the corner.

My breath caught until I realized Josette had come.

And my stomach clenched when I acknowledged, if only to myself, that I’d really hoped it was going to be the other Fogal.

One month. Of longing, pining, and knowing it would never happen. One month of wishing I could be the man Josie needed, while knowing I should be backing out of this arrangement. Thirty days of struggling over the fact that not only was I gay—that’d been pretty obvious in retrospect—but that I was in love with my fiancée’s older brother. That hadn’t been so clear in my mind until the moment I’d landed on top of him, after admittedly tackling him, and knowing—in my gut—that I was meant to be with him.

Josette blinked several times. “You’re not okay, are you?”

I managed to push off the bed. “I’m fine. The party’s not for a couple of hours, right?” I glanced at the clock radio. Had I messed up the time?

“You’re right, it’s not for a bit.” She bit her lower lip.

My stomach twisted. Did she know? Had she figured out how I felt? How I wanted Jacob and not her?

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