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Because the reality is that Logan doesn’t control his own body. He never will. He came because of something he took from the Dominant. Even if it was just his proximity. Robert didn’t want him hard, and he certainly didn’t give Logan permission to come.

Robert knew nothing about the effect he’d had on Logan. Logan had just sat there, greedy and needy while the poor man had been liberated from torture. And then he’d used that energy to get himself off.

Pathetic.

It made Logan hate himself.

And then he’d crashed.

Logan can’t dwell on that. Certainly not right now when he’s with friends and having a good time.

He takes a sip of his drink and pays attention to the conversation. Craig just got back from a trip to the Grand Canyon, which he is telling them all about, and Robert is envious. He actually groans at some of the pictures. “It’s just so big,” Craig says. “You can’t believe how big it is.”

“Shit. Eric and I talked about going before the kidnapping and torture, but fuck it, I’m alive and I want to go. Maybe I should just take off for a month.”

“Might not be a bad idea. But you won’t do it,” Craig says.

Robert sighs. “No, I won’t do it.”

“Have you heard from him?” Craig asks.

“No. I was sort of told that it would be a long while before I heard from him. He still has my favorite sweatshirt. I don’t even know where it is, if it’s in a storage unit or he threw it out.”

Craig chokes on his drink. “You’re kind of making it sound like your sweatshirt is more important than the guy.”

Robert winces. “Yeah, that’s not a good sign,” he says, and eats a potato chip. “But it’s areallynice sweatshirt. I’ve had it for years and it’s been washed to perfection. It’s even got a hood and a pocket on the front. Besides, I know exactly what I’d do with a sweatshirt, whereas I have no idea how I’ll even… fuck, just a minute,” he says, then shoves back his chair and walks out the door, likely needing a minute to get himself together.

Craig gives Logan a look. “Eric is a Dominant, too. It only worked because Robert was so easygoing.”

It’s the most bizarre thing Logan has ever heard. He tries to look like that isn’t surprising, but isn’t it? “Oh. Is that a… is that a thing people do now? Date within their same designation?”

Craig shakes his head. “Hell, no! I’ve heard of two subs, but they have a Dominant they see together fairly regularly. A Dominant to smooth things over and keep them both even. I don’t know what the hell they did.Anyway,” he says, rolling his eyes.

Robert returns, shivering from the cold since he didn’t take his jacket. “Moving on,” he says, and takes a bite of his sandwich.

Logan is happy to move on. And listen. He doesn’t volunteer much of his own history and fortunately no one asks many questions.

Craig got collared by his Dominant recently and Robert hadn’t attended the ceremony since he’d been undergoing torture, and he wants to hear all the details. Being with them is so nice that Logan’s able to finish all of his sandwich, a bag of chips, his drink, and a cookie. Anxiety usually stops him from eating too much at one sitting.

“When are you back?” Craig asks as they get ready to leave.

Robert huffs. “I don’t know. It’s at least another few weeks. I’m not going crazy yet, because the idea of getting hit and thrown around sounds pretty fucking awful, but I’m not happy being one hundred percent behind a desk, either. I can do some of the stuff I usually do, but it’s important to be in the field and capable of absorbing some of that violence. I’m not sure it will ever be as easy as it used to be. But it’s early days.” He shrugs, implying it isn’t a big deal.

Logan knows it must be.

“Absorbing violence?” Logan asks. Maybe he doesn’t know what Robert does, after all.

“Just sparring. And after missions if a submissive or Dominant is struggling. Sometimes they just need someone to be physical with, rather than intimate.”

Huh. If Logan came back from a mission and was crashing, in need of a Dominant to help, he’d want Robert. Which is something he’s never wanted or imagined wanting.

The tectonic shift in his defenses, the realization of just how much he must trust Robert, is so fucking distracting Logan runs into someone on the street. People usually move for him.

It’s embarrassing.

Craig leaves them in the lobby, going to a different set of elevators.

“Thanks for lunch. That was fun,” Logan says. The enormity of just how grateful he is to Robert, how much he enjoys being with him and how comfortable he makes Logan feel, hits him like a ton of bricks as he stands before him waiting, as if he’s expecting Robert to give him something.

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