Page 1 of U + Me

KIMBERLY “KK” KENDALL

Back In The Day…

Chilling in my room at my desk, putting the finishing touches on my best friend Darius graduation card, Post Malone’sCongratulationsflowed through my Beats speaker as I rapped along to the lyrics. The vibe really had me deep in my feelings. Being a junior in high school, I had one more year to complete before I’d be graduating, and all I could think about was if my dad would show up or not. The last time I’d seen or heard from him was at my 8thgrade graduation.

According to my mom, she claimed he had showed up late and that was a compliment compared to all the shit she’d been talking about him leading up to the day I graduated. She swore that he wouldn’t show up at all, and the fact that he did show up but was late wasn’t good enough for her. All I know was, when I looked out into the crowd, and my eyes landed on my dad, it filled my heart with so much joy. My dad being there was almost as important as the fact that I graduated. I was a daddy’s girl to my heart and the fact that he showed up for me meant the world to me. Him being there also proved me right and my mom wrong.

Once the ceremony was over, I nearly broke my damn neck rushing and pushing through the crowd of people in search of my parents. I was so excited to see my dad I could barely breathe, and when I walked up on him and my mom, my mom was showing her entire ass. She was yelling at him for showing up late. He looked embarrassed, and I was mortified.

“You coulda just stayed where the hell you was at, Karl. Ion see the point in coming at all if you gon’ be late as hell. You damn near missed it. You never could get yo shit straight and put your priorities in check. Damn shame and disgrace!”

“But I didn’t miss it, Rochelle. I got to see my baby girl cross the stage and that’s all that matters. I came to see her, not anyone else. Today not about you, it’s about Kimberly. But you wouldn’t know nothing ’bout putting your own feelings aside for someone else,” Karl, my dad, defended.

“Aye mane, we not doing this. When you addressin’ my wife, address her wit respect. If you can’t do that you gon’ have to just talk to me only. Matter fact, I prefer you speak directly to me and not her anyway, seeing you don’t know how to respect a lady.”

“This not what you think it is, my nigga.” My dad stepped toward my stepdad. “Fuck around and find out today. Ion give a fuck if Rochelle yo wife or not, she had my muthafuckin’ seed and long as it’s about Kimberly, I’m addressin’ her mammy how I see fit and ain’t nan nigga gon’ do a gotdamn thang bout it… ya dig.”

“Oh yeah!” Todd responded.

“Thanks for coming, Daddy,” I spoke up as I stepped between my dad and Todd while they stared each other down. “Today supposed to be a good day, filled with joy, love, and excitement not this. Can y’all please chill.”

“Absolutely, baby girl; look at you! My precious Kimberly, you are growing up too fast, slow down please. I can’t believe my baby girl ’bout to be in high school.” My dad gloated, still glaring at Todd like he was ready to attack. Eventually my dad turned his attention to me.

“Shit wouldn’t be so much of a shock if you was an active parent.” My mom huffed, rolling her eyes. Todd stood next to her mean-mugging both me and my dad.

“These are for you.” My dad ignored my mom as he handed me what looked like two dozen roses, the cutest, biggest teddy bear I’d ever seen, a card, and a gift bag that had some weight to it. “I hope you like your gifts. What you got planned for later?”

“Shit that got to do with you! You act like she a damn baby. She about to go into high school not junior high, fool. Hurry up and finish up with your dad so we can get back on the road, Kimmie,” my mom ranted.

“Rochelle, you don’ kept my damn child from me for years and now you tryin’ to rush. What’s the problem? Why are you so angry? I came in peace, hoping today would mark a new path for us and I can finally be back in baby girl’s life, but you have all this negativity and anger in your heart. Why aren’t you healed and happy? Isn’t this the life you wanted? You blocked me completely out y’all life ’cause you claim you found your soulmate. I respected that, and all I asked of yo ass was to let me still be there for Kimberly and you have done everything you can to prevent that.”

“Take me to court and fight for her then,” my mom paused with a mean mug and smirk. “Yeah, like I thought, crickets ’cause you would never. You ain’t shit but a disloyal, disgrace of a human, you can go straight to hell. Talkin’ about today about Kimmie; nah, nigga, you roll up in here tryin’ to make it about you. If it were up to me, Kimmie wouldn’t have shit to do wit yo ass. You could care less about her, talking ’bout today about her. Tah, bearing over the top gifts trying to outdo people ’cause yo ass done fell short since she been alive.”

“Ma, please,” I butted in in hopes of calming her down, but it only made things worse.

“Stay in your place, Kim, this grown folks talking.” My mom jeered.

“Baby girl, let yo momma get it all out. Clearly, she been holding this mess in so long, look how it got her looking. Let her get it out so she can get on wit her life.” My dad smirked. “As for me, baby girl, I hear you loud and clear and I’m done with the conversation.”

“Of course you’re done. That’s what you always do. God forbid you stay and fight.”

“Stay and fight for what?” My dad rebutted.

“Rochelle, let’s go!” Todd sneered.

I could tell my dad wanted to say more but instead, he looked me in the eyes and my heart broke with each word that came from his mouth. He looked so defeated, and I felt devastated. “I’ma head out. It made my day to see you graduate, today is a day I will always cherish, baby girl. I hate that things are the way they are, but I am so damn proud of you. You are a beautiful and very smart and intelligent girl from what I hear, Miss Honor Roll all year round! You make me so proud, Kimberly, and I love you with my whole heart. Stay in school and learn everything you can, and I promise you it will all pay off in the end. And I mean that, never forget that no matter what anybody says, I’m looking you in the eyes and telling you that you are my heart in human form and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

My dad kissed me on the forehead then walked away. I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to ask could I leave with him instead of going back home to my mom and Todd. I wanted to ask, why won’t he fight hard enough for me, but I already knew the answer to that and that was because of my mom. I wanted to ask why he wouldn’t take her to court to fight for me but what would it matter? Just like I dreaded, that was the last time I’d seen or heard from my dad.

I truly believed my dad could never do any right to my mom and because of that she was the reason why they were not together. She was always more outspoken and with the rah-rah energy than he was. I can’t remember one time when I ever heard him yell or raise his voice in any way toward my mom or anyone. He defended himself, no doubt, but he had a smooth, calm demeanor about himself at the same time. He didn’t have to get all hyped and loud as hell like my mom.

My mom was a totally different type of person than my dad. To me, she was more of a selfish person. When she made moves, they appeared to be for her best interests, and never for the ones around her.

I didn’t know much about the dynamic of my parents’ relationship when they were dating because I was very young when they broke up. From what I did remember, I spent a lot of time with my dad because my mom stayed out in the streets. The only time I was with her was when my dad was at work. Then one day I woke up and my mom told me we were leaving and she never turned back. She cut my dad off and because I was a minor and had no choice; she cut him out of my life too. Now here I was, a junior in high school and all I could anticipate was my graduation because I prayed my dad would be there. Last I heard he was with a lady and playing stepdad to her daughter. That bothered me more than it should; not because I was selfish but more so because I wished he was more in my life.

My phone ringing interrupted me from my thoughts. As I reached over to answer, I turned the music down just a little because I had it up pretty loudly in an effort to drown out my mom and Todd arguing in their bedroom, which was next door to my room. The walls were so thin it’s like you could hear when one of us farted from another room.

“What it do shorty?”

---