Page 29 of U + Me

For the rest of the night, I vibed out but didn’t hook up with any other guys. Claudia and I had been going to these parties for a minute, and I had yet to find someone to catch and keep my attention. It was like I was cursed because no one I had hooked up with to date could hold a candle next to Darius and I really hated that for myself.

After all this time this man still had this chokehold on me. No matter how hard I tried to fight it seemed like there was always something there to remind me of him, miss him, or lust over him. I could finally say that I no longer cry at night over Darius, but the fact that I couldn’t completely get him out of my system was scary. I miss him and will always miss him because of what he meant to me, but I have learned how to replace those feelings with other feelings; in particular, sexual feelings.

It wasn’t right, but it was my way of coping and dealing with my feelings. I was addicted to intimacy and drawn to learning and exploring about all things sex like it was in my blood. Darius made my body feel ways that I hadn’t felt since, but I had adapted to pleasuring myself by watching how to do it on porn videos to get as close as I could to those feelings. Tonight, I would just have to wait to get home to finish myself off.

“I know where I remember you from.” Donte startled me as he walked up to me by the bar.

“I’m surprised you still talking to me.”

“Why would I not? Just cause you didn’t like the dick don’t mean shit. Females come a dime a dozen, baby. But yeah, I know you from around the way. You might not remember me, but I used to play ball with Darius at the park off Homan. You ole girl that used to be with him. You said your name Kimmie, but he called you KK, right?”

“Yep, that’s me.” I wanted to tell him it wasn’t, but he had caught me off guard bringing up Darius’s name.

“Do you still talk to Darius?”

“Nah, we haven’t talked in a minute. What about you?”

“Nah, once he moved, we lost contact. That was my nigga though, 100 grand. Right before he left, we had this bet going with a few of our homeboys to see who could fuck the most females before we graduated high school. We could fuck whoever without the other feeling like we smashed they girl and the only female he had a problem with sharing was you…man, if only that nigga knew I had finally got to hit.”

Annoyed and feeling disgusted, I did my best to play like I didn’t care. I didn’t know if I should be offended or not by Donte’s revelation. I knew that Darius was for the streets, but I didn’t know that he had a bet going to see who get the most ass between him and his boys. I wish I would’ve known that before we had sex…but then again, it is what it is. I just wondered if he was bullshitting me or being real when he expressed how he felt about me. I guess it was time for me to finally cut the emotional chord that I had for Darius and set myself free.

FIVE YEARS LATER…

KIMMIE

“You sure you don’t want to come to this party with me, sis?” Claudia asked as I rolled my eyes at the sight in front of me.

“Yeah, I’ma just stay in the house tonight.”

“Why you sound so down? You coo? You must have company or gotta work, that’s the only reason I can see you not wanting to go out.”

“And do,” I laughed.

“What, you gotta work?”

“I have company, for now.”

“Funk you mean, ‘for now’?” Jaysun, this guy I had been messing around with for the past four months, huffed.

“Oh, I hear him.”

“Yep,” I responded as Jaysun was sitting across from me looking at me funny.

“Are y’all official yet?”

“He wanna be but no, not yet.”

“Who you talking to? Y’all talking ‘bout me?” Jaysun asked but I ignored him.

“Well, I’m about to head out. I feel like tonight is the night I meet my soulmate.”

“Sis, I’m not ‘bout to do this with you for real. You say that shit every time you go out,” I chuckled. “That’s hilarious.”

“You can joke all you want; just know you’ll be the first to meet him.”

“Bet. I’ll be waiting.”

I finished my call with Claudia then looked up at Jaysun who was sealing his blunt. I was so annoyed, and it took everything in me not to call Claudia back to tell her to come scoop me. These past five years I have moved up in my dad’s company to the point where he was grooming me to one day take over now that he was tossing around the idea of wanting to retire. I pretty much had it all; a fye ass condo that overlooked Lake Michigan and the skyline, commas in my bank account and my dream car, but some good, consistent dick was damn near impossible to find.

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