My grandma doesn’t remember her grief. She doesn’t remember the depression. She doesn’t remember the suicide attempts. She doesn’t know how many times she told me never to get married. Never to put my heart in that position. Never to have children.
No family to abandon.
No emotional accountability.
Just a life of service and good deeds.
I don’t know my count on good deeds, but I’ve been serving as a firefighter my whole adult life.
“I have a high-risk job. Jamie deserves to sleep at night without wondering if I’m coming home in one piece or at all.”
“Is that what she said or your decision for her?”
I set the ring on the table and slide it toward her. “It’s the decision I made for myself years ago. Abandonment sucks.”
“You weren’t abandoned.” She’s right. That was her term. After my grandfather died, she said her family “abandoned” her.
“Orphaned.”
Grandma winces.
Glancing at my watch, I take another sip of coffee before standing. “If I’m going to spend a little more time with Jamie before I leave, I’d better get going.” I bend over and hug her. “Love you.”
“Love you too.” She reaches for my hand and places the ring into it. “It’s yours, Calvin. Whether you give it to anyone or not, it’s yours.”
With a pained smile, I slide it into my pocket and nod. “Thank you.”
Jamie buzzes me in and waits for me at her door. She’s in leggings and a T-shirt. Big smile. Wet freshly showered hair. And her black eyes are slightly more violet than blue today. Still, she shines, making my aching, regretful heart rattle.
“Good morning.” I kiss her on the cheek.
She clutches my shirt as I begin to stand straight and pulls me back to her for a kiss on the mouth.
“Morning,” she says, grinning against my lips. “Is your flight on time?”
“So far.” I shut the door behind me. “Where’s Melissa?”
“The library or a coffee shop. She’s researching my patient to see if there’s any connection to my mom.”
“What’s wrong with your computer?” I nod toward her desk.
“She wanted to give us some time alone since you’re leaving today.”
“That was generous of her. How are you feeling?”
“No headache today. And I’m less groggy. My nose is still stuffy. But my eye doesn’t hurt as much. I messaged work this morning. I think it’s time to go back. I’m doing half a shift tomorrow.” She sits in her desk chair, so I sit on her bed.
“Progress is good.”
“Yes. I feel bad that you made such a quick trip for nothing.”
“I got to see you. That’ssomething.”
She frowns. “I’m not exactly a pleasant sight to see.”
“I disagree, but if you want to see me with both eyes, you should come to Missoula when you’re all healed.”
“That sounds like an invitation I can’t refuse.” She bites her bottom lip and smiles.