Page 125 of From Air

He rubs the back of his neck, face tense. “Jaymes—”

“No. I don’t want to hear it. You’re ten years older. So what? You’re afraid of dying. So what? That makes you human. You got a vasectomy. So what? That can be reversed. Or we could use a sperm donor. Or—”

“Jaymes, we’re either a day at a time or nothing. I won’t ask you to tiptoe and pretend if you don’t ask it of me. You know where I stand. And if my grandma hadn’t had a stroke, she would fully support me, because she was the one who told me to stay single. Never have kids. No one to miss you so much they try to take their own life the way she did after losing my parents, my sister, and my grandpa. Want to know why I was homeschooled? My family died. And it was so devastating, I couldn’t go back to school.”

I deflate. At every turn, I learn something new, something tragic.

Will I ever see Fitz with all the puzzle pieces in place?

“I’m sorry.” I lift my gaze to the screen. “Still, you could change your mind,” I murmur.

He doesn’t argue, but the resistance remains etched into his handsome face. With a heavy sigh, he nods slowly. “Sure,” he whispers. “Anything’s possible, even if it’shighlyimprobable.”

I’ll take a 1 percent chance. He can hold on to his ninety-nine. Fitz has been the object of my affection since the day we met. I know the parts of him that he’s too afraid to see. We wouldn’t be us. We wouldn’t fit like we do if he weren’t meant to live—reallylive—this life with me.

“Maybe we both need to let go of the past,” I say, with a tone of surrender. “And maybe that won’t change the future, change who weare. But if we stay tethered to the past, how will we know if, in the future, we can fly?”

“Baby, I already know I can fly.” The beautiful hint of a smile steals his lips, and I know we’re good. For now, we’re good.

I remove my shirt again, and my bra.

His eyebrows slide up his forehead as I continue eating my soup.

“We’re done with the serious talk for tonight. Why don’t you rub one out while I finish my chili and make my online chess move? Melissa and I have been stuck on this game for a week.”

“Sucks being homeschooled,” he says.

I hear a noise while I stir my chili. “Is your hand back down your pants again?”

“Fuck yeah.”

I laugh. “I love you, Calvin Fitzgerald.”

He tips his head back, eyes closed. “I know you do.”

Chapter Forty

During my jewelry-making class, my phone vibrates with a call. It’s the private investigator I hired. Since I no longer care to pursue my search for Barbara, I don’t bother to answer and disturb the class. Afterward, I return his call.

“Nathan Moore,” he answers.

“Hi, Mr. Moore. This is Jaymes Andrews. Sorry I missed your call. I was in a class. Did you get my messages? I’m no longer interested in finding—”

“Yes,” he interrupts. “My apologies. I had a family emergency. I meant to contact you earlier with an update.”

“It’s fine. As I said in my messages, I no longer want to pursue this.”

“I understand. However, I think you need to know what I found,” he says with gravity to his words.

I sigh. “Okay. What did you find?”

“Can you come by my office?”

“Can’t you just tell me over the phone?” I glance at the time on my dashboard. I want to get in a workout and grab some groceries.

“I’d rather not.”

“If Barbara’s dead, you can tell me. I’ve never met her. I can take the news.”

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