Page 40 of The Apple Tree

That right there was the reason I spent so much time at the nursing home. My parents would never have given me that response. They would have beaten the truth out of me with a big guilt trip and the threat of spending another moon cycle locked in my room.

“I don’t want to stop, but I also don’t know the consequences for sure.”

“Is it dangerous?”

I shook my head.

“Illegal?”

Again, I shook my head.

“Does it involve a boy?”

I grinned.

She nodded slowly and returned her attention to the half-finished blanket on her lap. “Have you prayed about it?”

I giggled. Grandma didn’t believe in God but supported what she called my parents’ need to “imagine.”

My dad always corrected her with the word “faith” or “belief.”

“I know God’s answer,” I said.

“But?”

“But …” I sighed, plopping onto the bed. “But what if God’s answer is really just my dad’s voice in my head. Maybe God would be like, ‘Go for it, Eve. You only live once.’”

“Are you asking for my advice, permission, or do you just need to talk this through out loud?”

“I love you,” I said with a huge grin.

Her shoulders relaxed as if my confession melted her. “Are you buttering me up?”

“No. I just wish my parents would say the things you say. I wish they’d let me figure things out on my own without feeling the need to control me and punish me for every wrong decision.”

“Well, in all fairness, I’ve seen more than they have. Your parents feel very invested in you. When you make a poor decision, they feel responsible.”

“But they’re not.”

She nodded. “I know. But letting go of control is hard. It’s scary.”

I frowned. “They just don’t want me to embarrass them.”

“They don’t want to see you experience pain. Parents are hardwired to keep their babies safe and out of pain—no matter the age. You will forever be a part of them, meaning it will be hard for them to see where they end and you begin. So you have two choices.”

“Which are?”

“You can walk the line, or you can build a fence along it so they have to stay on their side. And that’s part of growing up. But it also means they can no longer be there to save you. If you want to fly, you have to be willing to fall and even crash. But if you can do that and show them that your strength is greater than your mistakes and imperfections, they will see that they raised you right.”

I fiddled with the silver ring on my middle finger. “I have a huge crush on my neighbor.”

“The coach?”

I nodded.

“Oh dear.”

I nodded again. “Oh dear indeed. And I don’t know if he could ever think of me like anyone but his brother’s best friend's daughter, but I spend most of my waking hours dreaming about it.”

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