Page 85 of The Apple Tree

“Whyare you so angry and confrontational with me?” he asked.

“Because I feel like …” My face scrunched as I shook my head. I didn’t know how to explain it, and that frustrated me. His insisting I try to explain my feelings bothered me even more.

“You feel like what?”

I shook my head. “I-I don’t know. Just … just like you’re waiting to see if I’m worth your time. I feel like I’m being judged, like you know I’m going to mess up, so you can say I’m too young for you.” My words came out faster and louder on a wave of panic. “And that’s a lot of pressure. I always feel like everyone around me is waiting for me to screw up because that’s what I do.”

“Just chill.”

“I CAN’T CHILL!”

He winced, and our gazes shot toward the stairs as we listened for Josh.

“I’m not a chill person,” I said. “I’m sorry. It’s not in my genes to chill. If you must know, I’m needy and sometimes whiny. I nag until I get what I want. You’re on my mind twenty-four-seven.” I pointed in the direction of my house. “I look for you through my bedroom window—with binoculars. Every song I hear is about you. I can’t shower without touching myself and thinking of you. When I go for a run, I imagine I’m chasing you. My life went from boring toamazingbecause you moved into this house with the world’s cutest little boy. I watch Josh and make dinner or an apple dessert, and I pretend that this is my house too, and he’s my son.

“So, if you need to know why I asked about homecoming with Drew, it’s because I like yousomuch, and when you changed Denise’s toilet, I went crazy jealous. And I wanted you to show me a teeny-tiny fraction of jealousy.”

I felt fairly certain that I had ended us.

Whiny? Check.

Jealous? Check.

Needy? Check.

Immature? Check.

Desperate? Double check.

Psycho? Absolutely.

We weren’t “going together,” but had I been in his shoes, I would have sent me home, changed the locks, and filed for a restraining order.

I showed him the worst version of myself because I hadno chill.Which was worse? Being oblivious to my least desirable traits or seeing them flashing like a neon sign without feeling control over them?

“Eve—”

I covered my ears because some childish behavior remained in me. “Don’t. I know you’re going to lecture me. You’re going to be an adult. And we are over. I know. I really do. You’re too mature to say or do anything as stupid as I just did. So save me the embarrassment of you being perfect. I’ll just go.” I turned, closing my eyes for a second and berating myself on the way to the door.

Before I slid on my shoes, I heard his footsteps behind me.

“Eve,” he said. “Follow me, please.”

I turned as he headed up the stairs.

“Now,” he said, halfway up.

I bowed my head like an errant child and followed him. He peeked into Josh’s room and softly shut the door the rest of the way. Then he continued to his room. That’s when I noticed he had something in his hand.

I stared at that something as I stopped at his door.

He jerked his head for me to keep walking. As soon as I passed the threshold, he closed and locked the door.

The can of beer in his hand hissed when he opened it and handed it to me. I hesitated, gaze flitting between the beer and him. Then I took it.

Kyle tugged the button to his jeans and pulled down the zipper. “I don’t care which you swallow first. Your choice.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

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