Page 107 of From Nowhere

I can’t look at him; all I can do is shrug. Sex and love are not interchangeable. Brynn was my wife. She was the mother of our child. It’s not possible for me to love someone more than I loved her.

“Fuck, man,” Diego whispers when my hesitation speaks the truth.

I shake my head, returning my attention to him. “No. I don’t want to compare Maren to Brynn. It’s not fair, and it’s unnecessary.”

Diego eyes me for a second before relinquishing a nod that’s as tiny as his smile. “She flies a plane, and you ride a bike. You can’t make this shit up. And let’s not overlook the elephant in the room—you got your pilot’s license. Seems almost torturous to date a pilot, don’t you think?”

“I can see how you might think that, but Lola’s alive. And Maren is amazing. I have a job I love. Although sometimes annoying, Brynn’s parents have gone out of their way to help me. And Lola now spends time with my mom and my aunt Ruth.”

Diego studies me. Of all the people I need to treat me like I’m not a lonely widower, it’s him. So I give him what he wants.

“Lola stayed the weekend with my mom and Ruth three weeks ago, while Amos and Tia visited Brynn’s brother. And Maren stayed the weekend. We had so much sex I lost count.”

Diego beams. “I’m gonna need details.”

“No.”

“Come on, man. Give me something for my spank bank.”

“Shut up.” I chuckle while walking around his Mustang.

“I’m happy for you,” he says with more sobriety.

“Me too. But now I must figure out how to tell Tia and Amos without rocking the boat. She’d love nothing more than for me to live a celibate life.”

“She doesn’t still blame you for the accident, does she?”

“Adjacent blame.”

“That’s messed up, Oz. What about Amos?”

I finish my beer and toss the empty bottle into the bin by the fridge. “Amos has his moments. I think he’d be fine with me moving on if Tia weren’t breathing down his neck, telling him what to think and do.”

“Play that angle. Get him on your side.”

I hum. “Maybe. What about you? How’s your family? What’s Kai doing this summer?”

This feels good: a beer with my best friend, a woman I adore, and a spark of hope that Lola and I will survive everything.

After Diego catches me up on his family, I sit in the driver’s seat of my green Land Rover Defender for a few minutes. I can still see Brynn next to me, still feel her fingers teasing the nape of my neck, still hear her soft laughter while Lola sings all the wrong words to her favorite song on the radio. Brynn hated the hood-mounted tire and hard, boxy lines. She said it looked like we were going on safari. And for that very reason, I swore I’d never sell it. She was so cute when she was mad.

Eventually, the memories become unbearable, so I slide out of the seat and gently shut the door, giving it two firm pats with the heel of my hand.

“I’m taking off,” I say to Diego.

“I drive her once a week. She’s still amazing. If you want to sell it—”

“I don’t,” I say while climbing onto my bike. “Later.”

I head to my mom’s house. All it takes is one smile from Lola to remind me everything will be okay.

“She’s here!” Lola squeals, running to the door in her pajamas a little before eight thirty. Maren starts another shift tomorrow, so Lola gets Bandit for a while.

Amos doesn’t move from the sofa; he’s glued to the Weather Channel. Tia, however, rests her book of crossword puzzles next to her cup of chamomile tea and stands from the gliding chair.

“Breathe, child,” I say while Lola shakes with excitement as I open the front door. If only I could take my own advice, because I’m dying to see Maren. We’ve had a few moments of sneaking since the party, but we’ve mostly texted or talked on the phone.

She smiles at Lola and hands her Bandit before entering the house. We’ve purchased food, toys, and a litter box, so Maren doesn’t have to transport anything but the cat.

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