Page 29 of From Nowhere

She rolls her dramatic eyes. “He’s in my class. Duh. I have to see him.”

“Well, you don’t have to talk to him.”

“Are you going to go on a date?”

“We just discussed this with Nana and Pa. I have you. I’m not lonely or missing anything or anyone in my life.”

“I’m not going to live with you forever. I’m going to college.”

“Excellent. Your mom would be proud.”

“Do you think she’d want you to find a girlfriend?” Lola pulls the cheese off her pizza, recovers the mushrooms and sausage, and puts those back on without the cheese.

I’ll end up eating her cheese, so it doesn’t go to waste. “Lola, your mom and I didn’t talk about that.”

That’s a lie.

“If you had died instead, would you have wanted her to find a new boyfriend?”

This girl is not ten. She’s twenty.

“Sure,” I say in defeat.

“Well, then . . .”

“Sweetie, Nana and Pa moved in with us to help out. In return, they want to know I’m focused solely on you. So I think I should respect their wishes for the time being.”

“Hogwash.”

Again, I choke. She picked that up from Tia. It’s what she says to Lola when my darling daughter gets overdramatic, which is all too often.

“Do you even know what that means?” I ask.

“It means BS, but you won’t let me say that.”

I frown. “Let’s talk about you. Where do you plan on going to college?”

“UM, where Mom taught.”

I didn’t expect her to answer. I don’t want her to make plans beyond this slice of pizza on her plate. “I was joking. It’s a big world, Lola. And you’re ten. However, when the time comes, you may decide to spread your wings and go to school in another state.”

She deflates. “I have to go to UM because I can ride my bike there.”

Oh, sweet girl.

“Do you wish you could ride in a car without thinking about the accident? Without thinking about Mom dying? If someone could erase the fear and the bad memories from your mind, and you could be like your friends at school who don’t fear riding in cars, would you want that?”

Lola presses her fingertip to the parmesan cheese on her plate and then licks it off. “Yeah.”

On the inside, I enjoy a sigh of relief.

“Is Victoria going to erase my memories?”

“No. I think she’s working to make your memories feel less scary. I’m just happy to hear that you want to have a different life. You have a lot of years before you need to think about college. So why not imagine a day you can ride or even drive in a car?”

She tries to smile, but it falls down her face like her shoulders collapsing inward. I don’t push anymore.

“Still have room for dessert breadsticks?” I ask.

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