Page 47 of A Good Book

“I’m deaf. There’s nothing for me here.”

I hated the word deaf. It sounded so permanent. I preferred to think he couldn’t hear at the moment, that it was temporary. Tears stung my eyes becauseIwas here. Was I “nothing?”

“I’ll see a specialist closer to home.”

I grabbed the pen.

There are students here who are hearing impaired.

Ben shrugged.

You can’t leave me.

“What am I supposed to study?” he asked, and it was loud. Was it on purpose or was he having trouble finding an appropriate volume like the doctor said might happen?

Ben scrubbed his hands over his face, and I didn’t know if his frustration was over me not wanting him to leave or if he was upset that he couldn’t regulate the volume of his voice.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Carmen asked.

I turned and stood as she and Alan came into the room. “Ben just told me he’s dropping out and going home. But that’s ridiculous. Right?”

They looked at Ben and then back to me.

“Given his circumstances, we think it’s best for him to return home. Maybe he can re-enroll next semester or next year. But right now, we need to find out if or when he’ll be able to hear again. Or if he’s going to need hearing aids or surgery. There’s a lot to figure out. And right now, we don’t know how he’ll learn if he can’t attend classes and he doesn’t know sign language.” Alan offered me a similar smile, dripping with empathy because I was too stupid to see that school was no longer his biggest concern.

“What about his scholarship?” I asked.

“We’ll apply for a deferral,” Carmen said.

All three of us startled when Ben threw the pad of paper at us, hitting my arm.

“I can’t hear you.” Again, his volume was too high. “Stop talking about me when I can’t hear you.”

Pain wrinkled Carmen’s brow, and she plucked the paper from the floor and wrote:

I’m sorry. We were just telling Gabby that you’re going home and we’re looking into having your scholarship deferred.

Ben read it then looked at me.

I didn’t know what he expected me to say or write or feel for that matter. So I shrugged and shook my head. “I have homework to do.” I held up my hand in a stiff wave.

Ben narrowed his eyes, not understanding what I said, but it didn’t matter.

“We’ll see you tomorrow after he’s discharged,” Carmen added.

“Sure,” I mumbled on my way out of the room.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

INXS, “NEED YOU TONIGHT”

Gabby

“Did he ask about me?”Olivia questioned as we ate chicken sandwiches and fries at the dining hall.

“He doesn’t talk much,” I mumbled, squeezing ketchup onto my plate.

“I’ll take that as a no. Does he know I’ve been there twice while he was sleeping? That I met his parents?”

---