Page 59 of A Good Book

“He was a music major. Carmen said he’s going to need time to think about a new direction.”

Ben loved music. He couldn’t give up on his dream. “It’s like everyone is praying for him, but nobody really believes in miracles which kinda feels like you don’t believe in God.”

I was one to talk.

“Gabby, you know that’s not true. Enough about Ben. We can’t do anything more than we’re already doing. How are you? Are you getting good grades?”

“Yeah, I’m doing fine.”

“Well, we love you. And we can’t wait to see you in a few days.”

“You too. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

She laughed. “I’m sure you will. Bye, hun.”

I hung up the phone.

“No change?” Olivia asked.

“No.” I untangled myself from the cord. “I need to get home. Everyone else is praying for him while he hides in his room. What if prayer has nothing to do with God answering our requests or taking a bow every time we thank him for something? What if he made humans the most advanced species so we can figure things out on our own?”

Olivia glanced up at me, glasses low on her nose while she capped her nail polish. “I’m not as religious as you, so I haven’t given it that much thought. But yeah, I feel like prayer is a little lazy if there’s something you can do yourself.”

“I hate that I can’t talk to him.”

“Yeah.” She fanned a folder over her wet toenails. “It would be better if he were blind instead of deaf.”

I didn’t want to laugh, but I couldn’t help but snort. “Stop. That’s terrible.”

“How’s Matt?” She had a way of shifting every subject to Matt. “Have you two done the deed yet? You haven’t mentioned him in a long time. Is he back with his girlfriend?”

I couldn’t look at her because I had the worst poker face.

“Gabby, what aren't you telling me?”

“What do you mean?” I sorted through my clothes to figure out what I was taking home for break and leaving at the dorm.

“What do you mean, what do I mean? You know what I mean. And you won’t look at me which means you’re not telling me something.”

I spared a quick glance at her and a dismissive “pfft.”

“I can read people. That’s why I’ll be an excellent lawyer. And you’re hiding something. Just tell me.”

“Did you totally, honestly, for real not have sex with Ben?”

She set her nail polish bottle in a plastic basket filled with other bottles of polish. “No. We had sex, but it was fake sex, notfor realsex, so I didn’t tell you. Yes!” She rolled her eyes. “We didn’t have sex. We barely messed around. Why?”

“Because he kissed me.” I held my breath, waiting for her to fly at me, screaming profanities about betrayal. “Twice.” I shook my head. Technically, it was three times, but I didn’t count the day he left because his parents interrupted us. But my need to tell the truth turned into diarrhea of the mouth. “But the first time was just practice. Not practice for us, practice for Matt and me.”

“Gabby?”

“But the second wasn’t practice. It was more. I kissed him back, like totally kissed him back.”

“Gabby?”

“But I don’t know why. Why did I kiss him back like that? I’ve ruined everything.”

“Gabby!”

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