Page 87 of A Good Book

I tucked my pillow under my head so it was propped up a little. What did she think I was going to say? For a few seconds, I thought about it.

“If that’s all he got you for Christmas, you need a better boyfriend.”

Sarah snorted, kicking her feet to roll away from me. “Stop!” She giggled.

For a minute or more, I bit my tongue and held still. Sarah probably felt relieved that I stopped talking. She might have even asked God to make me go back to sleep.

“Oral sex must be pretty great, huh?”

“Gabby!” she hissed, rolling toward me and pressing her fingers to my lips. “Stop talking. We are never talking about this. It didn’t happen. Okay?”

I pulled away and batted at her hand. “Eve would talk about it.”

Sarah sighed. “What?” she asked in exasperation. “What do you want to know? I thought you had sex with Ben.”

“I did, but not oral sex.”

“Good. Don’t. In fact, just stop having sex until you’re married. And stop talking about it.”

I bit my lip and nodded, but a few seconds later, I had more questions. “Which feels better? Oral or actual sex?”

“Ga-byyy!” She groaned, covering her face.

“Is it weird being kissed where you pee?”

“Stop!” She rolled partway on top of me and covered my mouth.

I pushed her off and we continued to giggle.

“What is going on?”

We jumped at Mom’s voice.

“Gabby farted and it stinks. I’m going to shower.” Sarah flew out of bed and straight into the bathroom.

“It’s 5:30 in the morning,” Mom said.

The bed dipped as she sat on the edge.

“I know. I didn’t sleep well. And I wasn’t farting.”

Mom rubbed my leg. “Did you have trouble sleeping because of Ben?”

Every ounce of giddiness I felt from my sex talk with Sarah died when my mom mentioned Ben’s name.

“I’m sure it wasn’t fun watching the program last night when he couldn’t hear it,” she said.

I didn’t know what triggered Ben’s response, but I doubted the program caused it. Every time we were together, I felt a powerful push and pull from him, like he wanted me so much but also he didn’t want me, or he thought he shouldn’t want me.

“Ben thinks his life is over, and he doesn’t want to be a burden on anyone.” It wasn’t until the words came out like a generic excuse that I realized there had to be a lot of truth to them. If I tried to put myself in his shoes, that’s how I would have felt.

“Give it time,” Mom said, lying next to me, stroking my hair.

I was going back to school in less than two weeks. I didn’t have much time before I wouldn’t see or hear from him until spring break.

CHAPTERTHIRTY

CHER, “IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME”

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