Page 268 of Before We Were

Memories surface: Monty's serpentine smile, the sweet rush of oblivion, voices dragging me back to a world I tried to escape.

"Fuck."

"Yeah, pretty much."

I heave myself upright, legs as steady as matchsticks in an earthquake.

I need to move. Need to get out. Need to??—

"And where do you think you're heading?" Nick's question cuts like a knife.

My head pounds with each heartbeat. "I can't stay here."

"What's the plan, Nate? After you walk out that door?"

My hand finds the doorknob, cold metal grounding me in reality. But there is no plan. Just more chasing oblivion. Nick moves like he's approaching a wounded animal, slamming his palm against the wooden door.

"I can't let you leave without a plan."

"There's no saving me, Nick." The truth tastes like copper and defeat. "Just let it go."

"I made the mistake of letting someone walk out once. Never again."

Something snaps inside me.

"I'm not him. Not your brother. Not your responsibility."

The second the words slip out, regret floods my system. This guy has been the only steady support in my life, the only one who saw past my walls. He doesn't deserve my venom. Which is exactly why I wish he'd just let me go before I disappoint him again.

"No, you're not him." Nick's voice hardens. "And you're not Scott either." Scott's name hits like electricity, jolting through my drug-addled system. "But you're someone I care about. Let me help you figure this out, Nate."

"Something inside me is broken." The confession feels ripped from somewhere vital, leaving me bleeding.

“Scott shattered you, left you with the pieces. I see how tired you are. But this—" His grip finds my forearm, forcing it into the light. I try to jerk away but he holds firm, twisting my arm so I have to look.

Really look.

Track marks dot the crook of my elbow like a stamp of shame, purple-black bruises blooming around each point of entry. My stomach rolls at the sight. These are my choices mapped out in broken vessels and damaged skin.

Nick's eyes burn into me. "This isn't the answer. People need you here. People love you, Nate.”

People love you.

The words echo like a gunshot in an empty room.

"I love you. And I'm not letting you destroy yourself."

I can’t remember the last time someone told me they loved me and meant it. My knees hit hardwood, and tears I've been holding back for years finally break free. Nick's arms find me, wrapping around me like a shelter as I shake apart. For the first time since I watched Nora bleed out on that highway, I let someone else carry the weight of my broken pieces.

"You're not doing this alone anymore, Nate," he says softly. "We'll figure this out."

His words chip away at the wall I've spent years building—the same wall Nick has been patiently trying to scale since that first day in the bookstore, when he offered me a job instead of writing me off like everyone else.

"You deserved better," Nick continues, his voice heavy with the weight of all the times he's watched me struggle, all the times he's tried to be the father figure Scott never was.

"No kid should have to grow up the way you did. And just because someone is family doesn't mean you have to tolerate their lies and manipulation. You deserve more than that. You deserve a shot at a fresh start and a life that's entirely your own."

I can't meet his eyes, but his words hit home like they always do. Nick has this way of cutting through the bullshit, of seeing the scared kid beneath all the anger and self-destruction.

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