Page 79 of Before We Were

"Is it what you want to be doing, for real?" I probe, needing to steer away from my own uncertain future.

He laughs, a sound tinged with unease. "I guess. There's a lot I still need to sort out."

The conversation shifts again, and suddenly, Jake's tone grows serious. "Your mom mentioned last year was tough with the kids at school. Did any of them show up at the funeral?" His question makes me uncomfortable because it brings to light things I've tried to bury.

No, not one.

By then, my tarnished reputation had driven everyone away.

"You were there. That's all that mattered," I say, managing a weak smile that doesn't quite mask the pain.

His eyes soften, filled with a mix of understanding and something else—perhaps a wish to offer more comfort. He nods, looking back toward the horizon where the sun climbs higher, igniting the sky with shades of orange and pink.

Inside, the turmoil doesn't cease. The ghosts of last summer, the whispers of Evan, the echoes of Claire who claimed to be my best friend, and the crushing weight of shame swirl around me. The worst of it is the last real conversation with my dad, that's where the guilt stems from. He had seen the signs and recognized my silent pleas for help. Now, he's gone, and with him, the last shred of understanding I had clung to.

Jake's question snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Where'd you get the bracelet? I haven't seen that one before."

I look down at the thin band Nate picked for me at the carnival.

"Nate won it for me," I say quietly. Jake's expression shifts, a flicker of something passing over his face.

"Oh, right." His voice has an edge to it now, and I can tell he's holding something back.

Jake's always been great at hiding his feelings, but I feel the tension between us about the whole Nate thing.

He doesn't say anything for a moment, just draws patterns in the dirt with his finger. Then he looks up, his eyes steady on mine.

I shift, trying to steer the conversation away from heavy stuff.

"So, what about Kelsie?"

"What about Kelsie?" he asks.

"I saw you two at the party, then the bonfire, and at the carnival too. She seems really into you."

Jake laughs, brushing off the idea. “There’s nothing going on there. Besides, I’m waiting."

"For what?"

"For the right one.” That makes my face heat up and I'm not entirely sure why. Something about the way he's waiting for someone he seems to already know freaks me out a bit. I force a laugh, trying to shake off the weird mood.

“What's next on the list to tackle today?" I ask, desperate to keep things light.

Jake brightens up, back to his usual self. "Eat our body weight in Cinnabons.” He grins like he's just solved all the world's problems.

"That I can do," I joke, grateful for the change of topic.

We hop on our bikes, pedaling towards Corrigan's, the cool morning air and the warm rising sun painting everything like a postcard. For a moment, I let myself believe everything can be as simple as bike rides and cinnabons.

The bakery wrapsus in its warm embrace of cinnamon and sugar, a haven unchanged by time's cruel march. My stomach growls appreciatively at the fresh-baked aroma, earning a smothered laugh from Jake.

"Four of your finest Cinnabons, please," he announces, sliding cash across the counter. "Actually, make it twelve."

"You really weren't kidding about eating our body weight in Cinnabons, huh?"

"You only live once," he winks.

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