Page 14 of Kneel for Me

“I can’t fucking think straight when you come around. Do you know how goddamn hard I work to keep myself under control? To remain calm and friendly and easy going? Do you know how fucking hard it already is to hide who I truly am from everyone, including my own family? And do you have any damn clue what it’s like to have someone step into your life and fucking blow it to pieces? Because that’s what you do, Ivan. You have this way of looking at me, like you see straight through me, and it makes me feelnaked.”

He stepped forward again, his cheeks flushed and his eyesburning. I met his stare evenly, waiting for him to get it all out of his system and lay it on the ground for me. Despite his rage, he was being vulnerable, and I wantedmore. I wanted itall.

“I don’t work behind a desk because I like it, Ivan. I work behind a desk because Ineedto. Ican’tbe eyeballs deep in field work because of my diagnosis.” When I didn’t react, he narrowed his eyes at me and took another step forward, our toes touching now. With every heavy breath, his chest brushed mine. “But you already know about my diagnosis, don’t you? You’re not surprised.”

“I do,” I confirmed.

He looked like he wanted to punch me. For a split second, Iwantedhim to just so I could overpower him and force him to come to heel.

“Yet you dragged me out here anyway. You constantly test my limits. Constantly push me to break.Why?” he asked, snarling the question.

“Because you’remine,” I bluntly told him. “You think I don’t know how to handle you,kotik?” His nostrils flared at the pet name I’d given him. “I’m a diagnosed psychopath, Adrian. Who better to control you and teach you how to harness the gift you’ve been given than me?”

“You think this is a fuckinggift?” he growled.

“It is,” I assured him, nodding once. “You don’t think so now because you’re scared of that part of yourself. That darker part that makes you rage uncontrollably. You’re scared of the part of you thatcravesviolence.” My hand snapped up and wrapped around his throat before he was even aware of what was happening. He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing beneath my palm. “On your knees,” I growled.

“Fuck you,” he seethed.

I leaned in so close to him, our breaths mingled. “Get. On. Your. Fucking. Knees,” I ordered, letting my mask fall away. My voice was cold and emotionless, and something inside him shifted at the change in me.

Silently, he lowered himself to his knees, tilting his head back to look up at me. I leaned over him, brushing my thumb over his plump bottom lip. “Let me be what you need,kotik,” I murmured, my voice softening for him. His eyelids fluttered at the abrupt change, and something in his eyes softened. “Let me teach you how to beyouwithout fearing any part of yourself. Let me give you the freedom Iknowyou crave.”

His eyes locked on mine. “What’s the price, Ivan? There’salwaysa price with you.”

He was right. There was. I’d told James there would be no price for my help with this problem of his, but there’d been one. I just hadn’t named it because I knew James would never agree.

The price had been Adrian. And now, Adrian was going to pay it without even realizing it. His desperation wouldmakehim pay it. I was counting on that.

“You,” I said.

He stared at me for a good minute, but I never broke our stare. I kept my hand around his throat, letting my other hand glide over the stubble on his face and over the curve of his shoulder to his thick biceps.

Finally, his shoulders drooped, and he closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. His head lowered submissively, andChrist, it wasperfect.Hewas perfect.

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’m…” He shuddered like his next words were painful to utter. I waited patiently for him to continue. “I’m trusting you, Ivan. Don’t make me regret it.”

“You won’t,” I swore. “If you can trust anyone in this world,kotik, you can trust me.” I released him and stepped back, giving him space to breathe. “Call James,kotik. Let him know what we’ve found out. Then come downstairs for breakfast. You need to eat.”

With that, I turned and quietly left his room, giving him the space he needed to come to terms with what his future was going to look like now.

He’d given himself to me, and now, there would be no escaping me. I owned him. Every breath, every beat of his heart, wasmine.

His home was now withme.

12

Adrian

What had I done?

I stared at the closed door, still on my knees. My heart was hammering in my chest, slamming against the bone there as it tried frantically to thrust through my chest cavity and flop onto the floor between my spread knees. My breathing was ragged, and my hands trembled.

Whatthe fuckhad I done?

I’dsubmittedto him. To Ivan. To the man who could shred me to pieces withone fucking lookfrom those pretty green eyes. And I’d agreed to give him all control of me. I’d agreed to give himme.

I was so, so fucked. Royally fucked. Fucked with no lube and no stretching kind of fucked. Goddammit. But he’d looked at me with those green eyes, let that mask fall away so I could see the monster he kept hidden, and I’d just… my mind hadblanked. Because when he let me see that part of him, I knew he understood me. Knew he could help me. Knew he could relate.

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