Page 36 of Kneel for Me

He released me and stood from the bed. I watched as he grabbed a pair of slacks off the dresser that Igor or Mark must have dropped off for him. “I’m taking my leave,kotik.” I opened my mouth to ask him to stay at least long enough to eat one more fucking meal with me, but he spoke before I could. “I need to get back home. I’ve been away long enough as it is without someone in place to take care of things in my absence.” He fastened his slacks, then shrugged on his shirt. I sat on the bed, speechless. I couldn’t believe he was fuckingleaving. Why couldn’t he just make this decision for me like he’d done so many other times?

Once he was dressed with a brand-new pair of shoes on his feet, he leaned over the bed, cupped my jaw, and slanted his mouth across mine in a kiss that ripped my soul apart. I achedeverywhereand not because of the past few days. I ached because he was fuckingleavingme.

“If you choose me,kotik, I will be waiting on you with a collar to put around your pretty neck, and I will immediately tie you to me through marriage. I hope this is not the end of us.”

“You’re an asshole,” I breathed when he released me and stood back up to his full height. “Fuck you for putting me in this position.”

He sighed. “If I could make the decision for you, I would,kotik.” Reaching out, he combed his fingers through my messy hair. “Remember, if I was capable of loving anyone, I would love you,kotik.”

And then, he was gone, slipping out my bedroom door and quietly shutting it behind him. My eyes slid shut, and a shuddered, pained breath escaped me.

“Fuck you, Ivan,” I whispered. This didn’t have to be the end of us, but why did it fucking feel like it was?

29

Adrian

James knocked on my open office door, something he never did. He always barged into my office just to get on my fucking nerves because he knew I hated the lack of respect. The fact that he was knocking now meant he’d picked up on the fact that I was off. That something was wrong. He’d been home less than twelve hours, and he could already tell I wasn’t myself.

I used to be excellent at hiding how I was feeling from people, but Ivan had worn down my walls. And since he’d left, I’d felt so unstable, I didn’t know what else to do besides hole myself up in my office and focus on getting the work done that I was behind on. I had plans to talk to James about leaving the family and going to Russia permanently, but I wouldn’t leave him with this mess before I did so… if he even let me leave.

And that was another reason I was putting off the talk. I was afraid of what my reaction would be if I asked him for permission to leave and he told me no. I wasn’t sure what I would do if he denied me what I wanted. Icouldn’tcontinue to be without Ivan. It’d only been a little over twenty-four hours since he left, and I was already fucking unraveling.

“What’s going on, Adrian?”

I frowned down at the paperwork in front of me, pointedly avoiding his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered.

He sighed, and a moment later, I heard my office door shut. I looked up, thinking he’d given me some privacy, but nope. He was now taking a seat in the chair on the other side of my desk, frowning at me, concern furrowing his brows. I blew out a soft breath through my nose and set my pen down, knowing I wasn’t getting out of this conversation. James wasn’t going to let this go until I talked about it.

Here was to hoping he didn’t do or say something that made me lose my shit.

“Adrian, something is bothering you. You haven’t come to ask how I’m doing. You weren’t downstairs to greet the kids when we got home like you usually do. You didn’t even check on Emmaline, Inessa, and Juliana to see how they’re holding up. You didn’t hound Jaxon about how he’s handling security. You’re not giving Darren shit. What the fuck is going on?”

I leaned back in my chair and scrubbed my hands down my face. When they fell to my lap, I sighed. “Ivan and I… we… fuck, James, I’m in love with him,” I blurted. James didn’t seem surprised in the slightest, but then again, he seemed to always know everything when it came to our immediate family. “But he went back to Russia, and he…”

“He wants you to make the decision on whether to follow him or not,” James finished when I didn’t.

I nodded. “I’ve been trying to figure out a way to bring up renouncing my title as consigliere so I can move to Russia,” I confessed. James hummed. “I know we’re brothers in every way except blood, and I know this is my family, but I…” I swallowed thickly. “I need him, James. I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind without him.”

He lifted a single brow. “And you thought I wouldn’t understand that feeling? Did you just suddenly forget how fucking obsessed I am over my wife? If I didn’t have her near me day in and day out, I’d probably need to be put down, Adrian.”

My shoulders relaxed. He wasn’t going to say no. He was going to let me do this.

“But—”

Fuck.

“—you willnotrenounce your title as consigliere.” I jerked my eyes up to stare at him. “I’ve actually been pondering putting a presence over in Russia for a time now, but I didn’t want to step on Ivan’s toes, especially not when he’s much more powerful than Adrik was and he has gone out of his way to keep ties with us. But if it’s you being my voice over there…” He let his voice trail off, waiting on me to agree.

“You want me to… what? Act as Don in Russia for you?” I demanded.

James nodded. “Something of that sort, yes. You’ll be my voice. You’ll make decisions in my stead. I trust you to make the right ones. You’ve been by my side foryears, Adrian, and you’ve never let me down. I don’t even trust my own brother enough to do this for me. But I know you’ll do well, and you have Ivan to guide you if you find yourself stuck in a predicament that’s hard to work your way out of.”

I snorted. Ivan’s idea to help me would probably be along the lines of eliminating the people causing the headache completely, but sure. I’d let James live in la-la-land over that one.

“You’re letting me go to Russia?” I asked.

He nodded. “Only if you promise to visit,” he negotiated.

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