“Raffie?” Helena asked.
He let the book go, stepping back from it. He couldn’t do it. Maybe he could never have done it, but it didn’t matter. He couldn’t do this to her now.
“Yeah. Yeah, let’s order takeout,” he said instead, letting the cookbook go.
“Is everything alright?” she persisted, coming a step closer.
“Everything is…” But the lie wouldn’t come. The pressure of the truth made his jaw ache. “I can’t do this,” headmitted.
“Can’t make dinner?” she asked, because, of course, she would. It was what they had been talking about. “I know, that’s why…”
He shook his head. “I can’t be with you. I’m sorry.” He hated himself for every word, and yet they felt so right coming out of the dark places ofhis mind.
Her whole body stiffened as he spoke. “What—”
“I’m a liar. And a cheat. I’ve deceived people my entire existence. Destroyed lives.”
“Rafferty?”
“That isn’t my name!” He whirled toward her, electricity shooting down his limbs even if none appeared in reality. “Isoldmy name. I’mnothing.”
“You’re the man I love!” Helena insisted, moving toward him to take his face, but he slapped those seeking hands away. She continued, unabated. “Just… slow down. Slow down and we’ll talk about…”
“I can’t!” He pushed past her to go to the door of the kitchen. To escape her.
“Raff—Whatever… whatever it is, we can work through this. You’re not a demonanymore.”
“No, but you are!” He spun back, and she came up short just before him, her eyes wide as the truth hit her full in the face. “And I can’t watch you become just like me. I can’t. I just can’t!”
His voice broke.Fuck. Why does my voice have to break when I needstrength?
In place of strength, angerwould do.
He growled as he turned away.
“You don’t mean that. You’re just afraid.” She tried to touch him again, and again he slapped her hands away.
“Helena! You can’t trust me. I will betray you!” He seized the cookbook, the damned cookbook, and showed her the spell. “I was going to use this to sendyou back.”
“Send me back. Send me back where?” she asked, but as her gaze rapidly cascaded down the words, understanding broke over her, followedby horror.
“You were going to send me to Hell?” she asked, taking a step backfrom him.
He watched as her facade melted away.
Her other form emerged with the glistening skin and the horns that encircled her head. Her brilliant wings flashed white as if the colors of the rainbow washed down the filaments. Now she also had a long, thin tail, which whipped between her legs with its little tuft of hair at the end, shape implying the typical triangle. She was still so very beautiful and not of this world.
It brought him to his knees before her, overwhelming his senses as she amplified all the feelings she wanted him to feel, making them stronger than his negative ones: His love for her. A deep desire to fall before her in worship with his mind, body, and soul. He wanted to give his life for hers, and he would have no regretsdoing it.
But he did.
Heregretted.
Everything.
In that same moment, she realized what she was doing. She stared at her hands, each with golden-tipped nails, in shock. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she repeated, and she tried to dim her light. She writhed, desperate to get her true appearance back under control, and it broke his heart to watch her try to change herself for him. “I didn’tmean to.”
He got back up off his knees, and she didn’t move to help him this time. She didn’t dare. Instead, she wrapped her hands around herself, hugging tightly.