Page 117 of Finding Us

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, like I’m going to ask my dad about anything having to do with Sean. He hates him, remember?”

“He doesn’t hate him. He’s just not ready for you to marry him.”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore. I love Sean and I can’t worry about my dad. Besides, I’m not anywhere near ready to get married so it’s not like my dad needs to worry about it.”

“Does Sean know that?”

“Know what?”

“That you don’t want to get married?”

“We don’t talk about it because it’s not something either one of us wants. I’m still in school and he’s trying to decide if he wants to open a restaurant. If he does, he’ll be super busy. He won’t have time for a wife. He’ll barely have time for a girlfriend.”

This is the first time I’ve brought up the marriage topic to Harper since that day I got my wedding dress. I’ve avoided the topic because I know Sean wants to marry her and propose in a few months. So what do I say to her? I can’t tell her. But how could she not know this? Sean should be dropping hints like Garret did to me last year.

“What if Sean asked you to marry him?” I ask in a totally hypothetical way.

“Yeah, that’s funny, Jade.” She sits up and takes a bottle of water from the cooler we have sitting behind our beach towels.

“I’m serious. If he asked you right now, what would you say?”

“I know he’d never ask, so I haven’t thought about it.” She takes a sip of her water.

“Just play along here. You asked me this same question last year about Garret.”

“Because it was obvious to everyone but you that Garret wanted to marry you. So I asked you because I knew he was going to propose.”

“Why are you so sure Sean wouldn’t propose? He’s 22. He has a job. He has his own place. He asked you to move in with him.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t want to get married. I told you. He’s busy with his career.”

“I think you’re just saying that becauseyou’rethe one who doesn’t want to get married.”

She takes another drink of water and stares out at the waves.

“Harper?”

She sighs and looks back at me. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want to get married. Not now. I’m too young. That’s why I don’t like talking about this with you.”

“Why? Because Garret and I got married?”

“Yes, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m judging you guys. Because I’m not. I think you made the right decision. But I couldn’t do that, Jade. I’m just not there yet.”

“Harper, that’s fine. You don’t have to be. Most people aren’t. I wasn’t ready until I met Garret.” I smile as I watch him on his surfboard. “I keep telling him he put some kind of spell on me to make me agree to get married this young.”

“What was the real reason? How did you know you were ready? I mean, obviously you loved him, but how did you know you were ready to marry him?”

“Because I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else. Even 20, 30, 40 years from now, when I pictured my life, he was still in it. In my head, I even pictured us together when we’re really old, like 90.” I laugh. “Garret looked way better than me and he still had all his hair. Anyway, I didn’t want to wait to start my life with him. I wanted our life together to start right now.”

“That’s why I worry about Sean and me. If he was the one, then why don’t I feel that way? Why am I not thinking about that stuff?”

“Like you said, you have so much other stuff going on with school and tennis that you’re probably not ready to think about it.”

She takes her white cotton headband off and starts winding it around her fingers, which is what she does when she’s sad or confused or both.

“Harper, you and Sean are totally normal. There’s nothing wrong with your relationship. Most people our age don’t even want to think about marriage. Garret and I are the weird ones for getting married this young.”

She slips her headband back on and smiles. “I still can’t believe you’re married. When I met you, you kept telling me how you didn’t even want a boyfriend.”

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