Page 129 of Finding Us

I look down as Jade adjusts herself on my chest, her hand lightly gripping my t-shirt. I need to get her to bed. I can’t see what time it is, but judging from the infomercial that was on TV, I’m guessing it’s the middle of the night.

I sit up a little and rotate just enough so that I can reach under her legs and lift her up. Her head flops forward and one of her arms falls down under her, hanging there as I walk to the bedroom. I carefully set her down on the bed and slip her shorts off. She can sleep in the tank she’s wearing. I pull back the covers and gently slide her over onto the sheet.

“Garret?” Her arm moves over the mattress like she’s looking for me in her sleep. She always does this. If I get up in the night to get a drink of water, I come back and find her arm sprawled over the sheet, trying to find me.

I drop my shorts to the floor, yank my t-shirt off, and slip in bed beside her. “I’m right here,” I whisper.

She scoots closer until she finds my chest. I move my arm out and she lays her head just under my shoulder. Her leg hooks around mine and her arm drapes over my middle. It’s not the most comfortable position, at least not for me. I’m basically trapped now until she moves. But I’ll wait until she falls back to sleep, then I’ll gently roll her off me and we’ll lie together on our sides, like we always do.

“Goodnight,” I whisper, pulling the blanket over us.

“I love you,” she whispers back.

I don’t think she’s fully awake, but it’s good to know she loves me in her sleep as well.

“I love you, too, Jade. More than you’ll ever know.”

It’s true. I’ll never be able to tell Jade how much I love her because there aren’t words for it. But I plan to spend the rest of my life showing her. Maybe that’s what it means to be a good husband. To not just tell your wife, but to show her how much you love her. I tried to do that in the time I spent as her boyfriend. And I will continue to try to as her husband because Jade means everything to me and I want her to feel loved. It’s something she still struggles with sometimes because of the way she grew up. It took me forever to convince her she was worthy of being loved and to accept the fact that people love her. Frank. Ryan. Grace. Me. Even after I told her I loved her last November, I don’t think she really believed it until months later.

Jade’s come a long way since last year but she still has a ways to go. After what she went through with her mom, she still has trouble believing people actually care about her. It’s just another reason why I need to always show her how much I love her. I don’t want her to ever doubt that.

It’s been a few minutes and I gently move Jade onto her side, then pull her into my chest and wrap my arm around her. Having her tucked safely in my arms, my mind and my body relax and I fall back to sleep.

When I wake up again, the sun is shining through the window, lighting up the entire room. I stretch my arms out and notice Jade’s not there.

“Jade?”

She doesn’t answer. Maybe she’s in the bathroom. Sometimes she likes to brush her teeth before our daily tradition of wake-up sex. But the bathroom door is open and it looks dark in there.

“Jade?” I push the covers off and start to get up. “Are you in the kitchen?”

“Yeah, I was getting some water.” I hear her voice, then see her come into the bedroom wearing running shorts and a sports bra, her skin slick with sweat, her hair in a ponytail and one of the headbands I gave her last Easter.

“Where were you?”

“I was out running.” She climbs on the bed and kisses me. “I got up early and decided to go for a run on the beach. It was great. The weather’s a lot cooler this morning.”

“You shouldn’t run by yourself early in the morning. There aren’t enough people out. Wait until later. Or wake me up and I’ll go with you.”

“You hate running.”

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t like you out there alone. If you want to run, I’ll run with you.”

“Garret, there are no crazy killers out on the beach. We’re in a small college town and this is a private beach. I’m perfectly safe.”

She doesn’t get it. Jade doesn’t get how much I worry about her. The world is not a safe place, especially for women, and especially for small, cute, young women who are barely dressed. I wish the world wasn’t like that, but it is.

I also worry because what happened last spring is still fresh in my mind. The organization let me go, but what if they’re still watching me? What if they’re watching Jade? What if they decide to do something to her to punish me for ruining their plan?

My dad keeps telling me not to worry, but I know he only says that because he wants me to relax and enjoy college and my new life with Jade.

I don’t believe him when he says we’re safe. I don’t trust the men from the organization or the people they work with. That’s why I constantly keep a close watch around me. I keep a close eye on Jade. I always check to see if anyone’s following us. I always lock the doors. I even check the cars for listening devices. Maybe it won’t always be this way, but for now, it’s what I need to do.

“Jade, please do not go running out there alone again early in the morning. I don’t mind going with you. I really don’t.”

“I didn’t want to wake you up. You needed your rest. I could tell you were tired from the move. What time did we end up going to bed last night?”

“I’m not sure. We both fell asleep watching TV. When I woke up I took you to bed.”

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