Page 134 of Finding Us

It ends up being a short shopping trip. It should’ve been a long trip because we have no food at the house, but I didn’t feel like shopping when Garret’s acting so out of it.

When we get home, I put the groceries away while Garret disappears in the bedroom. He comes out wearing his workout shorts and a t-shirt.

“I’m going to the gym on campus.”

“Right now? I thought we were having breakfast.”

“I’m not really hungry. You want me to make you something?”

“No. I’ll just have cereal.” I go over to him. “Are you going to the pool?”

“It’s not open but the gym is. I just went online and checked their hours.”

“We don’t have our student IDs yet. How are you going to get in?”

“You just have to show a driver’s license and they’ll look you up in the computer. At least that’s what their website said.”

“I’ll go with you. Let me change quick.”

“Jade, you hate the gym. Just stay here.”

I stare at him, trying to read his face. “Why are you acting so weird?”

“I’m not.” He sits on the arm of the couch and puts on his gym shoes. “I just feel like I need to lift some weights. Maybe do some cardio.”

“Okay.” I decide not to push the issue. Maybe he’ll be back to normal after he works out. “When will you be back?”

“I don’t know. I’ll call you.”

“You said you wanted to spend the day together. You don’t want to now?”

He walks up and kisses me. “I’ll be back around lunch. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

He takes his keys from the counter and leaves. I guess he just needs some time alone to deal with whatever’s bothering him. He’ll talk to me about it when he’s ready to. At least I hope he will.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-SIX

GARRET

I drive through town going way too fast, not slowing down until I reach the campus and spot a Camsburg cop at the security gate. It’s not like the rent-a-cop could really do anything to me but I’d rather not start the school year with some stupid traffic violation.

I pull in front of the gym and turn the car off and just sit for a moment. I’m so pissed right now. If Coach would’ve just left me alone this morning, today would be going totally different. I’d be home making pancakes for Jade instead of feeling like shit that I left her there wondering what the hell’s going on with me. But I can’t tell her. I can’t talk to her about this. I need to deal with this alone. This is my issue, not hers.

I did this to myself and now I need to face it.

I fucked my shoulder up. Big time. And I’ve been avoiding dealing with it for months now. It all started after I got shot by Royce last year. I got shot in the upper chest but the damage spread up to my shoulder. The doctor acted like it was no big deal. He injected something in my shoulder that speeds tissue growth so you heal faster. And it was working, but then I went back to lifting weights when I wasn’t supposed to and my shoulder started hurting again.

Last January, I went in for some tests and the doctor said my shoulder had more damage than he originally thought. I didn’t tell him I was the cause of that. I just let him think he misread the original tests. He injected more of that stuff into my shoulder but there wasn’t anything else he could do for it. It’s one of those things where you just have to give it time to heal. Something about tendons and tissue and how the blood flow to the shoulder isn’t the same as other parts of the body.

I wasn’t really listening to everything the doctor said. I probably should’ve had my dad there to listen for me, but I didn’t. I wanted to handle this myself. I didn’t want him, or anyone else, knowing what was wrong because if they knew, they’d force me to stop swimming and stop working out. And I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to rest. I just wanted to get back to normal.

I figured if I just worked out more, my shoulder would get better. But it didn’t. It only got worse. It didn’t help matters that I skipped out on most of my physical therapy appointments. The exercises they gave me didn’t seem to do anything so I stopped going. The therapist told me the exercises work over time but I wasn’t patient enough to wait. And I didn’t want Jade thinking I was taking forever to heal. She already feels guilty about what happened. She blames herself for my injury, like it was somehow her fault that Royce came after us that day. Like it was her fault he tried to kill us.

I hate that she feels guilty about that. After it happened I had to constantly remind her that it wasn’t her fault I got shot. I chose to push her to the ground when the gun went off. She had nothing to do with it. And there was nothing she could’ve done to stop my actions that day. I was prepared for whatever would’ve happened to me. As soon as I saw that gun in Royce’s hand, my only thought was to protect Jade. I don’t regret what I did. I’d do it again today.

But now I’m left with this injury that refuses to heal. If I told Jade, she’d blame herself. She’d say it’s all her fault, which is not even close to the truth. If I’d just taken care of this like the doctor told me to, taking time to rest, going to physical therapy, my shoulder would be back to normal now. The doctor said it takes a year to fully heal so maybe it wouldn’t be completely back to normal, but it would be a hell of a lot closer than it is now.

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