Page 137 of Finding Us

We exchange numbers and he gives me his address. I go back to my car, not sure if I’m ready to go home yet. I’m starving because I skipped breakfast, so I drive through town and stop at a burger place. I take my food to the tables outside. As I’m eating, Jade calls.

“Are you still at the gym?”

“No, I’m done. I just stopped to get something to eat.”

“Oh.” She sounds sad and a little disappointed. “Okay, well, I’m done cleaning and since you already ate, I think I’ll go for a run.”

Shit. I told her I’d have lunch with her. I totally forgot. Dammit. Now she’s going to think I’m avoiding her or rejecting her or hiding something from her. And Iamhiding something from her but it doesn’t have anything to do with her and she’ll assume it does.

I have to be careful with Jade because there’s still that part of her that doesn’t trust people. And although I know she trusts me, I also know that her mind tends to conjure up scenarios that are nowhere near the truth. She always blames herself for shit. She always assumes she’s the problem. She always thinks people don’t like her or are rejecting her. She’d never admit that, but I know her better than anyone and to me it’s painfully obvious.

“Jade. I’m sorry. I forgot about lunch. I just sat down. I won’t eat. I’ll come home right now and we’ll eat together.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Just eat. I had a late breakfast so I don’t need lunch. I’m going on a run. I’ll see you when I get back.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. We’ll do something later.”

“You already ran this morning. Why are you running again?”

“I just feel like it. I didn’t go that far this morning.”

“I’m coming home right after I eat. Why don’t you just wait and I’ll go with you?”

“You don’t want to run. Besides, you just worked out. I’ll see you soon. Love you.” She hangs up before I say goodbye.

Fuck. I’ve screwed this whole day up. I wanted to spend it with Jade, relaxing, checking out the town. But instead we’re apart. I took off and left her there and now she’s running because she’s upset and doesn’t know what’s going on with me.

But I’m not ready to tell her. Maybe I’ll tell her tomorrow, once I know for sure whether or not I’m on the team. Because who knows? Maybe my shoulder will be okay tomorrow and I’ll be able to swim. It’s not like that hasn’t happened before. All last year I was able to fake it at practice. I just couldn’t compete in the meets. Maybe if I just push through the pain, I can show the coach I’m good enough for the team and then I can work on getting my shoulder in shape for when the season starts.

I take a bite of the burger but I’m no longer hungry. I feel like shit. I keep hearing Jade’s voice in my head, the disappointment in her tone. I don’t like disappointing her. And yet I feel like I keep doing it.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-SEVEN

JADE

My feet hit the sand and I take off running. I don’t even warm up. I just need to run. I need to feel the rhythm of my feet and arms working together. I need to feel my lungs gasping for air. I need to feel the burn of my muscles as they start to fatigue. I need to feel all of that instead of what I’m feeling right now, which is sad and confused and worried.

The day started out great, just like every other day since Garret and I moved in together last May. I can’t remember a single day when we haven’t been happy and in sync and excited to be together.

But today something’s off and it all started at that diner. As soon as the swim coach showed up at our table, Garret acted strange and uncomfortable. Then after we left the diner, he just shut down. And now he’s gone when we’re supposed to be spending the day together.

I don’t understand it. He’s worried about swimming tomorrow but I don’t know why he’s worried. He’ll easily make the team. He’s a super fast swimmer.

So is he mad about something else? Did I do something to piss him off and not realize it? I can’t think of what I did to make him mad. Is it because I talked to his coach? But why would he get mad about that?

I run faster, trying to do sprints but it’s hard to run fast on the sand and my legs are starting to hurt. I keep running, lost in my thoughts as I try to figure out what’s wrong with Garret.

I didn’t bring a watch and I forgot my phone, so I have no idea what time it is or how long I’ve been running. I’m guessing I’ve been gone for almost an hour, which means it’ll take that long to get back. I should probably head home, but first I take a moment to catch my breath.

I sit on the beach and look out at the ocean. I lie down and close my eyes and listen to the sound of the waves. It’s so soothing that I drift off to sleep.

When I wake up it’s not as hot out, the sun now hidden behind the clouds. I stretch a little, then start running back. After what seems like forever, I finally see our house. I’m exhausted. My feet hurt. My legs hurt. Basically everything hurts. Running on the sand is so much more tiring than running on pavement or a dirt trail.

As I approach the door, it opens and Garret’s standing there. “Jade, what the hell?” He pulls me inside. “Where have you been? I was freaking out!”

“Why are you yelling at me? I was only gone a couple hours.” I go in the kitchen and fill a glass with water and gulp it down.

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