Page 149 of Finding Us

He lies behind me and I feel his arm around my middle, tugging me into him. “Then I’ll take one with you.”

“You don’t have to. Go watch TV or something.”

“No. I want to be here with you.” I feel him kiss the back of my head as he pulls me even closer. “I need you, Jade.”

“If that were true, you would’ve told me about your shoulder.”

“I’m sorry about that. I should’ve told you.” His voice is soft, more intimate than before. “I was trying to be strong for you. And for myself. I hate feeling weak, and this thing with my shoulder made me feel like I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. So I kept fighting through the pain, trying to prove to myself that I was strong and could get past it. And Iwillget past it. I’ll see the doctor and get this fixed.”

“You don’t always have to be strong for me. Sometimes you can let me be the strong one for you.”

“I’m not there yet, okay? I don’t know if I ever will be. Maybe it’s a guy thing, but I need to be strong. I’m your husband and I love you and I will do anything to protect you. And I need to be strong to do that.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t go to the doctor when you’re hurt. Or let me help you. Or at least tell me what’s going on instead of dealing with it by yourself.”

“I can’t explain it to you, Jade. I just wasn’t ready to tell you until today. I’m sorry for that but I can’t change it.”

“I want to be here for you, Garret. I don’t want us to keep secrets from each other.”

“I know.” He says it quietly. “I don’t either.”

I turn and lie on my back. Our eyes meet and I get the feeling we’re thinking the same thing so I just say it.

“What’s going on with us? I feel like everything got messed up when we moved here.”

He props himself up on his side and runs his hand along the side of my face. “I think it’s just a lot of changes all at once. Moving here. Starting a new school. Having to make new friends. How are you feeling about all that?”

“Truthfully?”

He laughs a little. “Well, yeah. We just said no secrets, right?”

I nod. “I’m scared.”

“What are you scared about?” He asks it with so much concern that it makes me wonder why I haven’t talked to him about this. Garret’s not just my husband. He’s also my best friend. And I should talk to him about this stuff. If I don’t, I’m being just like he was with his shoulder. Being secretive. Hiding stuff.

“Jade?” He’s still looking at me, waiting.

“I’m scared I won’t do well in my classes. I’m scared I won’t make any friends. I’m scared I won’t be a good wife to you.”

He sweeps his thumb over my cheek, his hand cradling my face. “Listen to me. You never have to worry about being a good wife. You’re already the best wife ever.”

“I don’t feel like I am.”

“Why? What do you think you need to do?”

“I don’t know. Maybe give you more space. Not make you feel like you have to take care of me. Let you do stuff other guys your age do.”

“I have plenty of space. And Iwantto take care of you. I like doing that. And I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything being married. I don’t miss going to parties and getting drunk. I did all that during high school. It’s out of my system.”

“Then what do you need from me, Garret? How do I do this wife thing?”

“You don’t need to do anything. I don’t want you to try to change into whatever you think a wife should be. I love you just the way you are. And I love being married to you. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

“I am, too.” I smile.

His face remains serious. “Jade, tell me why you’re worried about school. You got all A’s last year. You have nothing to worry about.”

“The classes here are a lot harder than they were at Moorhurst. I looked online at last year’s syllabus for one of the classes I’ll be taking this semester and they move through the material really fast. What if I can’t keep up?”

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