Page 150 of Finding Us

He rolls his eyes. “Are you kidding? You’re super smart. I don’t know how you get through those science classes. I can’t understand any of that shit. All those diagrams of molecules in chem class? They look like stick drawings to me. They don’t even make sense.”

“I could teach you about them.” I’m kidding, but I say it like I’m not.

“That’s okay. I have no interest in science. The point is that I know you’ll do well. And you don’t have to get all A’s. Stop putting that pressure on yourself. When you graduate, nobody will go back and look at your college transcript to see how many A’s you got.”

“If I want to get into med school, they will.”

“You can get B’s and probably even some C’s and they’d still let you in.”

I shudder. “Don’t even bring up C’s. I can’t get a C.”

“The world won’t end if you get a C. Trust me. I’ve had plenty of them.”

“Well, I haven’t, and I don’t want to experience it.”

Just thinking about school makes me nervous. I declared a major this year and I picked chemistry. Most people who plan to go to med school major in biology, but I went with chemistry. I’m not even sure why. The advisor I met with last May suggested it, and at the time it sounded like a good idea. But now I’m panicking because I have to take two chem classes this fall in order to catch up on the requirements for chemistry majors. If you count the lab, it’s three classes.

The thing is, I’m not sure I’m that interested in chemistry but I felt like I had to pick a major. Now I kind of regret it. I haven’t told Garret this. I’ve decided to start classes first. Maybe once I’m taking the classes I’ll find I like chemistry more than I thought I did.

“So I see that I need to keep working on this with you,” Garret says.

“Working on what?”

“Keeping you from stressing out about your grades.”

“Yeah, good luck with that,” I mumble.

“Let’s talk about the friend thing. What scares you?”

“That the girls here won’t like me. That they’ll already have friends they made last year and won’t want any new ones. I’m not good at making friends, Garret. People don’t like me.”

“Stop saying that. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You assume they don’t like you and people sense that and stay away. You need to be open to people. You need to stop assuming they don’t like you before they’ve even met you. There’s no reason for them not to like you.” He tickles my side and nuzzles my neck. “You’re cute. And sweet. And funny.”

I laugh and squirm away from his tickling hands. “Yeah, that’s whatyouthink but you’re blinded by love.”

He stops tickling me. “You’re wrong. I thought you were all those things before I fell in love with you, even with that tough act you tried to hide behind last year. Now you’ve let that go and it’s even easier for people to see how great you are. People will want to be friends with you, Jade, if you let them.”

“Enough about me. Now you have to tell me whatyou’reafraid of.”

“I’m afraid I fucked up my shoulder for good and may never be able to compete again.”

“I know.” I lean over and gently kiss him. “And I hope that’s not true. I’m going to choose to believe that it’s not and that you’ll be okay.” I smile. “So what else you got?”

“Nothing. I’m not worried about classes or making friends. That shit doesn’t bother me.”

“I’m jealous. I wish I was that way.”

“You need to hang out with me more. My don’t-give-a-shit attitude will eventually rub off on you.”

I laugh. “You give a shit aboutsomestuff.”

“Yeah, you. You’re basically all I worry about. Well, you and my shoulder.” He kisses me. “You feel better now?”

“A lot better.”

“Are we back to being us? And not whatever it was that we’ve been the past few days?”

“Yes. I’d say we’re definitely us again.”

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