Page 224 of Finding Us

She laughs. “I’ve seen that bib. I should get it for him. He drools a lot because of the teething.”

Caleb keeps giggling as I bounce him while walking around the room.

Sara watches me. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”

“I helped out when my sister was a baby.”

“I’ve never done it before,” Jade says. “I’ve never even been around babies.”

Sara turns to Jade. “You won’t have to watch him for very long so you don’t need to know too much.”

I bring Caleb over to Jade. “I have to get going so here you go.”

From the expression on Jade’s face, you’d think I was handing her a live hand grenade.

“Jade, just take him.” I hand him to her and she takes him, holding him out in front of her with his feet dangling.

“Set him on your hip,” Sara says. “And if he gets fussy just bounce him a little like Garret did.”

I go in the bedroom as Sara continues to give Jade instruction. I’m not sure Jade’s ready to babysit. She seems scared of the kid, although knowing Jade, she’s probably just afraid she’ll screw up and do something wrong.

As I’m packing my gym bag, I hear Caleb crying. That’s not good. It’ll make Jade even more nervous. I take my bag and go back out to the living room. The crying has stopped and Jade’s now sitting on the couch with Caleb on her legs, facing her. He’s laughing as she bounces him.

“See?” Sara says to Jade. “You’re a natural.”

“I think he’s just a good baby.” Jade seems more relaxed now.

“I’m heading out,” I tell her as I walk to the door.

“See ya later.” Jade doesn’t even look at me as she says it. Her attention’s all on the baby.

Jade won’t admit it, but I know she wants kids. She’s just afraid to have them. She thinks she’ll be a bad mom and I can’t seem to convince her otherwise. I keep reminding her that her mom was a drunk and addicted to pills and that’s why she acted that way. Jade knows this, but she’s still scared to death to have kids. And I don’t know how to help her. All I know is she needs to figure this out. Her fears are holding her back. And eventually they’ll hold usbothback because we’ll never have the family I know we both want.

When I get to the gym, the weight room is packed. Everyone goes there at night which is why I usually avoid going at this time, but I wanted to give Jade and Sara some time alone.

The physical therapist gave me a series of exercises to strengthen my shoulder and I have to do them in a certain order. I go to the lat pull machine first. I have to move the pin way up to the 40-pound weight because I’m not supposed to use heavy weights. It’s so embarrassing. I notice a guy staring at me. I drop the lat pull and consider adding more weight, but I know that’s stupid. I’m trying to heal my shoulder, not make it worse.

“You hurt yourself?” The guy who was staring at me stands next to the lat machine.

“Yeah, I tore my shoulder up.”

He nods and motions to his leg. “I tore my knee up a little over a year ago. It’s still not 100%. You doing physical therapy?”

“For the next six months.”

“I did it for almost a year. And I still can’t play football.”

“You play any other sports?”

“No, just football. I had a scholarship to Ohio State but busted my knee during practice freshman year. There went my scholarship. I ended up going here because my uncle works in admissions.”

“So you’re a sophomore?”

“Yeah. Business major.”

“Where are you from?”

“Phoenix. My dad still lives there. My mom moved to LA after the divorce. Now she lives with some Hollywood writer.” He laughs. “Sorry, didn’t mean to give you my whole life story while you’re trying to work out.”

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