Page 226 of Finding Us

I sit on the couch. She moves over and settles herself under my arm.

“No studying tonight?” I’m almost afraid to ask but I want to know what’s going on.

“I need a night off. I’m tired. I think it’s Caleb’s fault. He fell asleep and he looked all cozy and sleepy and it made me feel the same way.”

She’s in a way better mood than she was earlier. After hanging out with a baby. Very strange.

“So you like Caleb?”

“What’s not to like? He’s adorable.”

“You seemed a little nervous when he got here.”

“I’ve never held a baby before. I didn’t want to drop him.”

“He seemed to like you.”

“He did. And hereallyliked you. Did you see how much he laughed when you were holding him? Sara said she’s never seen him laugh like that.”

“I didn’t do anything special. I think he’s just a happy kid.”

Jade wraps her arm around my chest and looks up at me. “I liked seeing you with him.”

“Why?”

“You were just so good with him. It made me think—” She stops, and looks down.

“It made you think what, Jade? Finish what you were going to say.”

“It made me think of you and me and—”

“And what?”

She looks at me again. “Garret, could you see us with a baby? I mean, do you ever picture it?”

“Of course I do. You know I want that. Not like right now, but when we’re older.”

I can’t believe Jade’s saying this. I thought I’d come home from the gym and find her sitting at the kitchen table with her books spread out, yelling at me to be quiet. But instead we’re watching a movie and discussing kids. What the hell?

“I think about it, too.” She puts her head on my shoulder and looks down at my chest, her finger outlining one of the buttons on my polo shirt.

“What do you think about?”

“Sometimes in my head I see us with kids. Sometimes they’re babies and sometimes they’re older. I’ve had dreams about it, too.” She laughs. “I had this dream where you were teaching our daughter how to drive and you were being really patient but I could tell you just wanted to take over the wheel.”

I’m trying not to react and to just pretend this is something we talk about every day. But seriously, where is this coming from? She’s never once told me she’s imagined us with kids or had dreams about it.

“So you saw us with a daughter?” I ask her.

“For that dream, yes. It depends on the dream. I had a different dream where we had a son. He was in high school and you coached his football team. He looked just like you.”

“I hope he was a swimmer, too.”

“I woke up before I could find out, but I’m sure he was.”

This is so strange. Jade’s been dreaming about us having kids and she’s not freaking out? I’m not going to ask her any more about it. If she wants to say more, fine, but I don’t want to pressure her in any way.

She hugs my chest, keeping her head down. “I’m sorry for ignoring you the past few weeks. These classes I’m taking are tougher than I thought they’d be and I feel like I can’t keep up.”

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