Page 229 of Finding Us

“I’m NOT overreacting! You don’t understand!” I’m yelling at him again and I don’t mean to. I really don’t. I should’ve locked myself in the bedroom before he got home. I can’t talk to him when I’m like this. This has nothing to do with him. He didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just really cranky and really tired and really stressed right now.

“Jade, it’s okay.” He holds my shoulders and says calmly, “We’re only a month into the semester. You’ll have plenty of other quizzes and exams.”

As he talks I smell the beer on his breath. I’m not used to that smell on him. He hasn’t drank since last fall, other than some sips of champagne, which he had with me. “You were drinking?”

He tenses up but his voice remains calm. “I just had a few beers.”

“What’s a few?”

“Three or four. I don’t know.”

“And then you drove?” I shove his hands off my shoulders. “What the hell? Are you trying to kill yourself? Or kill other people?”

“I’m not drunk. I finished my last beer like an hour ago.”

“So are you going to do this all the time now?”

“Do what?”

“Are you going to start drinking again?” It comes out harsh and accusatory.

“Why are you freaking out about this? I just had a few beers!” Now he’s getting angry. “You’re the one who keeps telling me to hang out with other guys and you’ve told me repeatedly that it’s okay if I drink. And I’ve promised you I won’t get drunk.”

“Well, I was wrong. I don’t want you to drink, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay. I should be able to have a few beers without being accused of being an alcoholic.”

“I didn’t say you were.”

“You sure as hell act like it.”

“You know my past, Garret. You know I can’t be around alcohol or people who drink.”

“You need to get over it. People drink. You can’t avoid it.”

“Maybe not, but I should be able to avoid it in my own house.”

“Jade, you can’t tell me I can do something and then get mad at me for doing it!”

He’s completely right and I don’t know why I’m saying these things to him. I’m not mad at him for having a few beers. I’m happy he went out and had fun with his friends. But I’m also jealous that he got to do that while I had to spend the whole night studying, feeling like a failure, and feeling trapped in this stupid major. I need to get away from him before I do more damage.

“I can’t talk right now, Garret. I’m going in the bedroom and I’m closing the door and I need you to leave me alone.”

“Why? What’s going on with you?”

“I just need time to myself. Can you sleep on the couch?”

“Why the hell would I sleep on the couch?”

“Then I’ll sleep on the couch. You take the bedroom.” I go to the hall closet and pull out a pillow and a blanket.

Garret takes them from me and throws them on the floor. “What the fuck is going on here?”

My patience is completely gone and I’m about to explode. “Just leave me alone!” I run in the bedroom, slam the door, and lock it.

Garret tries to open it. “Jade, open the door.”

I’m slumped on the floor, hugging my knees, tears pouring from my eyes.

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