Page 232 of Finding Us

“Because my whole body hurts really bad. And because. . .” More tears trail down her face.

“What, Jade?”

She gazes down at the blanket. “Because I’m a mess. Everything’s a mess and I don’t know what to do.”

“What’s a mess? What are you talking about?”

“My classes. My major. I’m stressing out, Garret.”

“I know you are. We’re going to work on that, okay?”

She nods. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’ll never lose me. Don’t even think that.”

“I never see you anymore. All I do is study and I still can’t keep up.”

“Which is why I think you need to drop a class. You’re killing yourself trying to keep up and you’re not having any fun. This is college. You should be having at least a little fun.”

She looks up at me again. “You’d let me drop a class?”

“Letyou? Jade, you don’t need my permission to drop a class.”

“But it means I failed. It means I’m not smart enough.”

“That’s not at all what it means. Everyone drops classes. It doesn’t mean they’re not smart enough. They’re just balancing their class load better. Sometimes you sign up for a class and you don’t know how much work it’ll be until you’re in it.”

“You’re not mad? I thought you’d be mad.”

I don’t know why the hell she thinks this way. I seriously don’t. I rarely get mad at her and I definitely wouldn’t get mad at her for dropping a class. This is what I mean when I say she still needs to deal with stuff from her childhood. Everything she did made her mom mad. Even the tiniest things. So then she thinks I’ll react the same way, even though she knows it’s not true.

“Jade, I would never get mad about that. I don’t like seeing you so stressed out all the time. You don’t eat right. You don’t sleep. And now you’re sick. So the decision’s made. You’re dropping a class.”

She groans and rolls onto her back. “I think I might be dying. I don’t remember ever feeling this bad. Every part of me hurts.”

“You think you can drink some water now? Because you need to. You’re really dehydrated and if you keep throwing up, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I’ll try to drink some.”

I go in the kitchen and get some water and bring it to her. She takes two tiny sips.

“You need to drink more than that.”

She shakes her head. “That’s all I can do. I’ll try again later.”

“You should go to sleep. I’ll wake you up in an hour to drink some more.”

“Can you stay? Please?”

I wanted to take a shower but she sounds so desperate for me to stay that I get back in bed with her.

She lays on me. “Garret?”

“What?” I lightly rub her back.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been mean to you.”

“You weren’t mean. You were just tired and stressed out from class.”

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