Page 237 of Finding Us

“Go ahead, Jade. You can tell me.”

“I don’t think I want to be a doctor.” I say it really fast, then shut my eyes so I don’t have to see his reaction.

“Then don’t be a doctor.” He says it so casually that I think I must’ve heard him wrong.

I open my eyes and stare at him. “What did you say?”

“If you don’t want to be a doctor, don’t be one. Do something else.”

“You’re okay with this? You’re not going to try to talk me out of it?”

“Why would I do that? It’s your life. Your career. You should do what you want to do. Something you have a passion for.”

“But being a doctor makes sense. I’m good at math and science.”

“So find a different career that involves math and science.”

“The problem is, I don’t really like math and science. I mean, they’re interesting to learn about, but—I don’t know. It’s just not what I want to do. And being a doctor means I’d be working all the time and I don’t want to spend my life at work. I don’t need to, now that I have money. It’s not that I don’t want to work. I just don’t want it taking over my life, especially if I’m in a job I don’t even like.”

I wait for Garret to respond. He doesn’t, and I get nervous again.

“What is it, Garret? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Because I’m trying to figure out why you do this to yourself.”

“Do what?”

“Make yourself miserable.”

“I didn’t say I was miserable.”

“Jade, I live with you. I see you every day. And since the first week of classes you’ve been miserable. I just didn’t know how to help you because you wouldn’t talk to me.”

“I didn’t say anything because I thought if I could just do better in my classes I could still go to med school.”

“But you just said you don’t want to be a doctor.”

“Yes, but I told everyone I would.”

Garret moves so that he’s sitting across from me. “Jade, you don’t have to do something you don’t want to do just to please other people. Nobody said you had to be a doctor. You can be anything you want.”

“But I don’t know what I want to do. And what if I make the wrong decision?”

He takes my hand and looks me in the eye. “Then you’ll try something else. You can try 10, 15, 20 different things. Just keep trying until you find something you like.”

“So you won’t be disappointed in me if I don’t go to med school?”

“I’d be disappointed if youdidgo, now that I know how you feel about it. Listen, Jade, if this really isn’t the path you want to go down, then droptwoclasses orthree. Stop wasting your time studying calculus and organic chem. Spend the rest of the semester figuring out what interests you instead of suffering through classes you don’t even want to be in.”

“I don’t know. I’d have to think about that.”

“Then think about it. But don’t let other people affect your decision. Don’t worry about what Frank thinks or what Ryan thinks or Grace.”

“I don’t even want to tell them. I know they’ll be disappointed.”

Garret laughs. “Jade, do you know how much I disappointed my dad and my grandfather when I told them I wouldn’t take over the company? And they didn’t hide their disappointment. They made sure I knew how they felt. And that’s just one thing. I constantly disappoint them, especially my grandfather. If I did what he and my dad expected me to do, I’d hate my life. You can’t worry about what other people want. You’ll never be happy if you do.”

I’m so relieved Garret reacted this way toward my news. I feel a million times lighter. It’s like all that pressure I felt is gone. I didn’t think I had options. I was convinced I couldn’t change my mind about med school. I told myself I had to be a doctor to make everyone happy. I’m not used to makingmyselfhappy. I don’t even think about it.

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