Page 55 of False Start

"Oh, so it's OK that he's an asshole to everyone else as long as he's nice to you?"

"How is he an asshole?" I yell. "Because he played the field? Every guy in New York City plays the field at some point, Maya. Your husband included."

She steps back like I slapped her, and a tiny voice in the back of my head tries to warn me I'm crossing a line.

"If he's so great, why did I have to catch you in the act to find out you guys were dating? Why hasn't he brought you around for family dinner?" She looks me up and down.

"Is it because he's happy to hit it in private, but not willing to claim you in public? You know what he thinks about women like us. After all the shit you've given me over the years about being confident and loving myself, I can't believe you'd fall for that fatphobic jerk."

Once the venomous words leave her mouth, my friend disappears. A stranger stands in front of me, one I must protect myself against at all costs. I take several steps back.

"Number one, keeping our relationship a secret wasmyidea. First, because it was just booty calls and nobody's business, and then, because I wanted to take things slowly without the scrutiny of my girls or his family."

My voice is eerily calm, and Maya's face pales.

"Number two, I'm a big girl. You're right about that. I've got two helpings of ass, two helpings of thighs, andthreehelpings of boobs. And guess what? Corylikesthat."

"That's damn sure not what it sounded like when I met him last year," Maya counters, her voice pained. I force myself to ignore it. He hurt her, and now she's hurting me.

"Those things he said to you last year were hisboss'swords, not his. You might know that if you took a moment to hear him out instead of being wrapped up in yourself, like always."

I move to the entryway, grab the coffee and pastries, and proceed to dump them all in the trashcan. It could've been peanut butter & blackberry jam donuts from Doughnut Plant, my true weakness, and I still wouldn't take a single bite. Not when it comes with strings and judgement.

As my words sink in, the outrage drains from Maya's face. She looks unsure.Good.That'll show you to bust in here acting all holier than thou.

"Well…" she hesitates, "Why couldn't you have told me before? You start dating Cory, of all people, and I'm the bad guy for feeling blindsided? He's my brother-in-law!"

"No," I reply calmly. "I get feeling blindsided; I was working on how to tell you. You're the bad guy for showing up unannounced and cutting short my time with my boyfriend." Maya gasps at the word. "You're the bad guy for jumping to conclusions without letting me explain. And you're a badfriendbecause when I finally needed some support and understanding from you, you made it all aboutyou."

"Denise, I—" I put my hand up to stop her from coming up with another sorry excuse.

"You need to leave, Maya. I won't listen to anything you have to say, and I need to get ready for work. You can see yourself out."

I turn my back on her and wait to hear the click of the door closing before collapsing into an armchair. Ever the empath, Clawdette immediately jumps into my lap, curls into a ball, and starts purring.

All these years, I thought we were friends. But the minute I step outside her warped caricature of a strong, Black woman, I'm nothing? Not even worth an explanation? The benefit of the doubt?

It's all too familiar; the abandonment, the disappointment in her eyes. It's my parents all over again. Why aren't I worth sticking with? Standing up for? First my parents; now Maya. If I let things keep going, I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time until Cory finds a reason to leave. Unless I leave him first…

Chapter twenty-three

Cory

Isneakalookatmy phone under my desk for the tenth time in the last hour.No new messages.

I want to believe that this radio silence is a good thing. That maybe Denise and Maya are having a much needed heart to heart, and when I come through Denise's door tonight, she'll be waiting for me in nothing but her favorite pair of kicks and a smile. She'll tell me she's finally ready to take our relationship public, that she'll be my date for Thanksgiving dinner in a couple of weeks, and that she's willing to stay on her knees all night to apologize for making me wait so long when I'm clearly crazy about her.

That's wishful thinking, of course. My mind is always quick to supply a fantasy when it comes to Denise, but my heart is unnerved by the silence. A thousand terrifying questions race through my head.

What happened after I left? Should I have stayed to help her face Maya? If Maya gave her an ultimatum—give up their friendship or give upme—which would Denise choose? Would Denise fight to keep what we have?

Though fragile, it is marvelous, like that Chihuly chandelier down in the lobby. Let's just hope we don't wind up shattered on the ground.

"Park!" Silva barks with a sneer. "Are you looking at porn or something? You've had your nose in that phone all day."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I say, slipping my phone back into my pocket. "Then you'd finally have someone to go with you to those Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings."

Silva glares poison darts at me, and I notice Andrew lean forward to better eavesdrop on our conversation.

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