Page 57 of False Start

"We weren't even official then!" she shouts back.

I take a deep breath—in, then slowly out—trying to stop my panic. Making her defensive won't help my case.

"Did you tell her that, at least?" I ask calmly. "Thatyouwere the one putting the brakes on things?"

She nods.

"I did. She still couldn't understand why I hadn't come clean."

Denise stands and starts pacing back and forth in front of me. She rakes her hands through her braids, frustrated.

"I guess I should've admitted it when she and Tiff were teasing me about always working with you at the center. Or maybe when Maya almost caught us at the party.Shit!I felt cornered! She kept pushing and pushing and wouldn't even hear me out. After all the times I've been her shoulder to cry on!"

I try to take her hand in mine as she passes, but she yanks herself out of reach.

"We've been friends for over ten years, but I have one tiny secret and suddenly she just wants to throw me away."

"Did she say that?" I ask.

"Not in so many words. But nothing I said mattered. She saw us and she made up her mind. Just like that," she snaps. "Ten years of friendship, gone."

I can't keep sitting while she paces, and I stand to talk to her.

"Denise, are you sure? Maybe if you talk after you've both had time to—"

She whirls to face me.

"Nowyouwon't even listen to me?"

"I am listening to you, Denise."

"No, you're not," she sniffles, and I'm horrified to see she's crying. "I'm telling you point blank what happened, and you're calling me a liar."

My jaw hardens.

"No, I'm—"

"Trying to put me into this perfect little girlfriend box, where I sing to the hilltops about how amazing you are to everyone who will listen?"

Her words hit me like a slap to the face.

"That's not what I—"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not your perfect girlfriend. I'm not Maya's perfect friend. And I'mnotthe perfect daughter. I never will be. I don't need anyone's rules or expectations about what I should do and who I should be when I'm just going to disappoint everyone. It's inevitable. We might as well cut ties before that happens. Before things get too messy."

She stops pacing so suddenly, a few braids come loose from her bun. I'm too shocked to say anything. Denise's eyes are sad and teary, but there's stubbornness there, too. I don't know if I have the words to get through to her, not when she's like this. I exhale a breath from the gaping crater in my chest.

"I don't know where all this is coming from," I choke out. "I don't have some perfect girlfriend model I need you to fit into. I just want you. I wantusto figure things out together. We can't do that if you keep pushing me away."

Tears stream down her face. I turn away so she doesn't notice I have tears of my own.

"I'm not your parents, Denise. I'm not going to leave. My head might be made for numbers, but I think my heart was made for you. But this won't work if you won't let it. If you won't stop running."

She's looking at the floor again, and it pisses me off.

"Denise, look at me!" I demand. She keeps her gaze down. "You say you want to end things and you can't even look me in the eye?! You're a coward."

That gets her mad. She jerks her head up and pierces me with a steely look.

---