Page 37 of Love, Hate, Love

“The fact that I exist upsets Kade.”

She giggled.

“So are you interested in Alec?” I asked.

“No,” she said, shooting that out a little too fast and hard as her cheeks pinked. “I mean, he’s hot and all, but I don’t like him likethat. I know what he is. He’s visited before, and I’ve heard the talk about town.”

“That’s good, because even though he’s an amazing friend, he likes to live a little fast.”

Her lips turned down as she shifted her toe in the hay. “Yeah, I know. But he is awfully nice. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing ever to get used by him, you know? As opposed to being used by someone like Adam.” She shrugged, as if this were just another casual musing that she hadn’t been playing out in her head.

“If you can deal with the casual situation.” Some women might be able to enjoy the night and move on, but Missy seemed already half smitten with him from the few breadcrumbs she was giving me.

“Hey, don’t you have to go make your calls?”

“Yeah, maybe later.” If I could force myself to see Kade. “Would you mind if I borrowed your shower again?”

“I don’t know why you keep asking when I keep telling you to come use it.”

I followed her out of the stable. I’d figure out if I had the energy for calls later.

Chapter18

Leah

The sun had settwo hours ago, but going anywhere near the house felt like inviting disaster. But if I didn’t make my calls, my mother, my boyfriend Greg, my brother, and Cassie might spiral into a panic. They might think I’d gone on the lam, running across the country like a loser.

As bad as that might be, if I did go make the calls, I’d have to seehim. Seeinghimwas to be avoided at all costs.

Screw it.If they got nervous, they all had Kade’s number and none of them were bashful. They’d call him up and he’d have to figure out what to say about why I hadn’t called. It wasn’t as if I felt like listening to my mother talk about her drapes or the latest event she’d attended while I was dead on my feet after mucking out stalls all day. I hadn’t cared before, and my tolerance had been way higher then.

My tolerance foreverythingshe did was higher before I ended up here. For the thousandth time, I reminded myself it wasn’t her fault I was here. She hadn’t realized who the man she married was. I couldn’t let my rage for him spill onto her. And if I just kept reminding myself of that, maybe it would work one day.

This wasn’t the day, though. I thought about my life and where I’d ended up because of that man. I’d known better. I’d kept my distance from him for a reason, and still, look what had happened.

I settled onto my little bed, turned on the light, and picked up the book Missy had lent me. Not much else to do, since I wasn’t allowed to be in the bunkhouse socializing in any kind of way, I didn’t have a phone or Wi-Fi, and there was no TV in here.

I pulled my blanket up over the fuzzy sweatpants, also thanks to Missy, and tugged up the extra throw from an unknown donor that I’d found on my bed. It was thick and felt like wool. I’d have to find out who’d dropped it off. With the lousy heat in my shed, it was a lifesaver.

There was a knock on my door.

“Come in.” I looked up from my book to see Kade walking over the threshold. “I take it back. Get out.” I went back to looking at my book, feigning reading.

“You didn’t come up to the office to make your calls or shower.”

“I showered at Missy’s and I didn’t have anything pressing to say. Now get out.”

He didn’t move, and I was in my pajamas in the only place I could go for privacy, or was before he came.

“You get to make calls once a week and you have no one you want to call?”

“No. And I believe, according to the agreement, the one you’ve obviously studied intensively, I’m under no obligation tomakeany calls. So I’ll say it again: get out.”

Not only did he not leave, he walked a couple of steps and leaned a hip on my dresser. He shoved up his shirt sleeves and crossed his arms.

He might be a different man, but he still smelled like the Kade I’d always known. When I was a kid, in his arms had felt like the only safe place in the world. His smell had been the scent of my happy place. I’d bury my face in the crook of his neck, and for a few minutes, nothing could hurt me because he wouldn’t let it.

Now he was the one inflicting the pain. Had all of my memories been skewed by a childish adoration that the adult couldn’t ignore?

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