Page 58 of Love, Hate, Love

“Who says I screwed up?” For someone who was complaining about my drinking, he was sure pushing me in the direction of another shot.

He leaned a shoulder against the porch post. “If you did screw up, it’s easier to apologize.”

“If Ididscrew up, it’s too big for an apology.” How could I fix turning my back on someone that needed me and then piling on when the world was beating them down?

“I don’t think so. She’s got a soft spot for you a mile wide. I think you can fix it.”

“Chuck, if I fucked up, this was a really bad one.” And that soft spot he imagined didn’t exist. That woman had a cement wall up between us that was at least a mile thick.

“First thing you need to do is stop digging,” he said. He nodded at me as he headed off.

He had no idea how deep this hole already was.

I was lying in bed,replaying everything in my head, from John’s call to the last time I’d spoken to Leah, and that was when it hit me. I’d been so wrapped up in my situation, I hadn’t even realized why she’d called.

I’d been walking out of the bank, the ninth one I’d tried, and finally secured enough financing to get by at an interest rate that was almost as high as my age at the time. I hadn’t had a choice, though. It had been just enough to keep everything going, and I’d been stressed to the gills. Then she’d called, her name flashing on my phone.

She’d barely said hello, her voice shaky and uneven, when I cut her off, telling her I was too busy to be bothered with whatever frivolous thing she wanted to complain about. At the time, I’d thought it had been nervous guilt over screwing me, but she hadn’t even known.

At that moment, I’d locked her out of my heart. I couldn’t handle having her in my thoughts anymore, and I’d cut her off mentally at that moment.

My chest felt tight, as if someone had a stranglehold on my throat. The craziest part of it was that all I wanted in the world right now was for her to open up to me. But she wouldn’t, and I couldn’t make her.

It was ten years too late to make that moment right, and yet I didn’t think I could go a day longer. It was only ten. She’d still be awake. If she wasn’t, she was just barely sleeping, and that didn’t count.

I got up and walked over to her room, determined to get an answer. I should leave Leah be, and yet I couldn’t.

I didn’t knock because she’d only get up and lock the door if I did, not that I blamed her at the moment.

She was in bed but wide awake, and looking as happy to see me as she had been earlier.

“We need to talk,” I said.

“I’m not talking. I’m sleeping and you need to learn to knock.” She rolled over, giving me her back.

“Leah,” I said, one last time, hoping she’d give me a minute.

“What?” she said, sounding exhausted as she rolled back so she could face me.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shut you down like that.”

There was a flitter of shock in her expression before she shuttered her emotions away again. She gave me a quick nod and then shrugged.

“It’s fine. It was a long time ago.” She rolled over again, making it clear she wanted me to leave.

It wasn’t much, but it was something. It was a start.

Chapter27

Leah

It was Sunday.After successfully avoiding Kade as much as possible for days, there was no way around it tonight. I had to make calls or Cassie might kill me, and I couldn’t trust my mother not to reach out to Kade and get herself an invite here.

Kade was in the kitchen, leaning on the counter, when I walked into the house, his dark hair gleaming and his skin glowing as the place was filled with the scent of him. It was bad before, but now he was beingnice.

“I’m going to go hop in the shower really quick before I make my calls, okay?” I said.

“Sure. Are you hungry? I’ve got some steaks I can throw on.”

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