Page 66 of Love, Hate, Love

I walked until I was standing right below her and raised my arms. Sometimes I had a feeling she hung up there just to have me catch her.

She scooted off, dropping into my hold.

Normally I’d step back away from her, but she wrapped her arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly, as if she wanted to hold on to me like this forever.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” she whispered.

“It’ll be better than you think. It’s just different, is all.” She’d been dreading this move more by the day, but she’d be okay. She had her mother and brother, and now a stepfather who seemed like a stand-up guy. She’d be okay.

I felt her nod, the movement barely perceptible, as if she were trying to convince herself more than me.

“You can always call me if you need me. I’ll come. No matter what it is or where you are, I’ll come.”

“Kade? Can I ask you for one thing before I go?”

“You know you can.”

I waited, but she didn’t say anything right away. Her fingers twisted in the fabric of my shirt, like she were trying to gather the courage to speak.

“What is it? You can say anything to me. You know that.”

She tilted her head back, staring at me with that strange intensity she had. “Will you kiss me?”

I tensed, but not because I didn’t want to. I’d wanted to kiss her too much—that was the problem. But she was only sixteen. There might not be that many years between us, but there were more life experiences than I could explain. Nineteen to sixteen seemed like a lifetime at the moment.

She pulled away stiffly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted my first kiss to be from you. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal for you since, well, it’s not like it would beyourfirst or anything.”

I’d suspected she’d caught me fooling around in this very barn with Becky a couple of months ago. Now I was sure of it. I hoped that was the only one she’d caught me with.

“You aren’t like other girls, and you’re only sixteen.” How the hell was I supposed to explain to her that I didn’t want to just have sex with her?

“I just thought that, I don’t know, the way you called me pretty… I thought you might want to,” she said, her voice growing even softer.

She was killing me. My arms tensed around her, pulling her closer again.

“You’re not just pretty. You’re gorgeous.”

She looked up at me, eyes so big and blue that it felt like I was holding spring in my arms. I couldn’t look at her and not get lost in them, or the way they looked back at me. I’d tried to deny wanting her, but I wanted to be her first kiss more than she’d ever know. I wanted to be her first and last everything, but that wasn’t meant to be. I was a nineteen-old nobody who was holding on to the family ranch by pure grit and force of will, and it probably wouldn’t be enough. I had no future and she deserved a castle on a hill.

But one kiss wouldn’t be the end of the world, would it?

I leaned my head down toward her and she licked her lips, instinctively understanding that I was taking her invitation. I pulled her snugger against me, and onto her tiptoes, until her body fit into mine from thigh to chest.

“Just a kiss,” I said, my voice growing rough with strain as I reminded myself that that was all I’d take from her.

Her lips were soft as I grazed them. Her whole body was as she arched against me. The taste of her was so sweet, and her breath hitched as I pulled her even closer. The way she responded made it hard to keep itjusta kiss.

She let out a small, helpless sound against my mouth, and I pulled back before this took on a life of its own and spiraled into something that wasn’t so harmless.

She looked up at me, mouth parted and breathless, her fingers still threaded through my hair. Pulling away from her might end up being the hardest thing I’d ever do in my life. There was an ache that settled in my chest, making me fight to not kiss her again.

“I already miss you and I haven’t even left,” she whispered, dropping her head to my chest.

“Me too,” I said.

“We’re leaving in the morning, so I guess this is goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Leah,” I said as she pulled away from me. She walked out of the barn and I knew I’d never see her again.

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