Page 58 of Highway To Destiny

“Have you told him you loved him yet? You and I talked about that when you came through town this past summer.”

I suddenly felt guilty. “No, I haven’t, and I think that’s another reason this is hitting me so hard,” I sniffled. “But I plan on telling him now if it’s not too late.”

“That, my friend, will be thefirstthing you tell him at his bedside,” he ordered. “He needs to hear it.”

“I will. I promise,” I replied. “You have my number now, so will you let me know when you’ll be in Seattle? I assume you have the hospital information too?”

“Yes…I’ll call you. And please, let me know everything you see or find out when you get there.”

“Definitely!” I said before we disconnected the call. I had just put my phone away when the boarding announcement was made.

I didn’t know what to expect when I got there, but I knew what I needed to say.

The busto Seattle arrived around six-thirty p.m. From there, I took a rideshare to Harborside. Since Emily, the nurse, had given me some information about Mason, I at least knew where to go. A lot had happened between the phone call and my arrival, but I found Mason where Emily told me he would be—in the ICU. Visiting hours were over in about an hour, and the ICU visits were even stricter.

I hesitated and took a deep breath before approaching the nurses’ station. I felt useless, alone, and ignorant, not even knowing what to ask. There was a male nurse feverishly typing on a keyboard, his focus directed toward the computer screen. Suddenly, I felt someone touch my arm, and I turned to see a nurse who looked like she had years of experience under her belt. The pink scrubs accentuated her fair complexion. It calmed me for some reason.

She smiled. “May I help you?” she asked with a caring demeanor. Tears welled in my eyes, and one fell down my cheek, and my throat tightened. Although she was a stranger, I had the urge to pull her into a hug, but I felt it wouldn’t be appropriate. She simply leaned over the counter where we were standing and handed me a box of tissues, which I readily accepted.

“My boyfriend is here. His name is Mason Hardy,” I said, barely keeping my composure.

I’m sure she noticed the look of devastation on my face as she guided me over to a cushioned bench in the hallway. I noticed her laminated name badge, adorned with different nursing pins, attached to her scrubs. The name, ‘Sam,’ was printed on it, but I didn’t focus on her last name in a smaller font below it.

Once we sat down, she faced me. “I’m Sam. I’m Mason’s night nurse,” she said quietly. The continual din of beeping monitors made me think of the casino noises in Vegas. It was so quiet in the ICU, yet the beeping irritated my ears. I came out of my thoughts and told Sam my name was Connor.

She smiled again. “Nice to meet you, Connor, but I wish it was under better circumstances.”

My stomach twisted as I asked, “How is he?” I wanted to know but dreaded any more bad news.

“He’s stable but unconscious right now. I can show you to his room, but our visiting hours are almost over,” she explained.

“I know I’m only his boyfriend, but what about his condition? What happened?” I asked in a bewildered and irritated tone.

She kept her voice low and calm as she spoke. “Connor, I know you have many questions, but you need to understand that even though you’re his boyfriend, I’m not able to reveal his medical condition to you. You aren’t considered immediate family.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she stopped me. “It’s my understanding that another friend of his has power of attorney, and he’s on his way. We can only give details to him, but he can give you the authority to know as well. You just need to wait until he gets here and talks to the doctors.”

I was beside myself, obsessed with worry, angry at the medical system, and upset Eli wasn’t here yet. I felt stuck in limbo. I clenched my fists hard, my nails digging into my palms, as I sat there. I took a deep, much-needed breath to relax. She wasn’t to blame, and I relented by nodding to her.

“Here, let me take you to his room, and you can at least see him for a few minutes if you’d like,” she offered when she stood up. “You can come back tomorrow morning and spend more time with him then.”

We walked past the nurse’s station, and the male nurse I’d seen earlier gave me a pinched smile on our way to Mason’s room. I held my duffel bag to my chest as if it were a lifeline, and I could feel my hands shake.

I wasn’t prepared for what I saw when we walked into his room. Sam laid a hand on my arm as I stood there, and I welcomed her touch, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take another step toward his bed. There was so much to take in. His room had no light other than the soft, fluorescent strip behind his hospital bed. The only other light came from the blinking monitors that surrounded him and their continued damned beeping.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, dear, but rest assured, he’s monitored at all times,” she said.

I’d never seen so many tubes and monitors attached to someone before. It felt like I was on the set of a mad scientist horror movie, and Mason was the experiment.

Mason had numerous wires attached to his chest and scalp, and his head was wrapped in white gauze. Tubes protruded from the side of his mouth, and he had multiple IVs flowing through more tubes into his good arm. His other arm was wrapped in bandages that wound around his collarbone, and it was positioned in a stationary brace across his chest, which was wrapped as well. The beeping monitors were accompanied by another unit helping him breathe. I watched it as its bellows compressed, which in turn made Mason’s chest rise.

Sam patted my arm and said quietly, “I’ll leave you for a few minutes. I’ll come get you when I need to check his IV.” She walked out, but I couldn’t get my feet to move. I gripped my duffel tighter, my mental life preserver.

I quietly dropped my duffel and walked to the side of his bed, where his free arm lay by his side. I took hold of his hand. It was warm, and that comforted me. He didn’t move, not even an eyelid flutter, other than what the machine was doing to make his chest rise and fall.

I hadn’t done much praying in my life, but it seemed to be the perfect time to practice. I lifted Mason’s arm without disturbing the needles and held the back of his hand against my cheek as I bent down. No sooner had I done that than my tears fell, making his hand damp.

I closed my eyes as I stood there, not wanting to let go, and told the universe to bring him back to me. I needed to tell him I loved him.

When Sam came back to Mason’s room to check his IV, she regretfully told me I needed to leave. I didn’t have any place to go, so she directed me to the cafeteria and to where a waiting lounge was located outside the ICU. Luckily, the hospital had waiting lounges where I could spend the night. I knew sleep wouldn’t be coming my way as I was too wired up. I hadn’t thought to bring a book with me, only my earphones, so I could listen to music. The scattered magazines in the lounge were outdated and torn, which didn’t help my anxiety. I hated not being by Mason’s side, but I would be with him in a few hours. I sat down and called Eli to tell him what I knew. He said he was on his way.

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