Page 34 of Serial Love

“Are we still on for tomorrow night? I’ve got everything picked out for me to wear so I can totally wow you. You might not recognize me without my jeans or a t-shirt,” she joked, hoping to get a reaction from him.

Silence greeted her. Licking her lips nervously, she added, “But Jack, I know you’ve been gone and you’re tired and probably still working, aren’t you? Uh…we can postpone our date…it doesn’t have to be tomorrow.”

Silence.

“In fact, I could maybe run by just to welcome you home. If you had a few minutes, that is. We could…uh…hang out on your porch…or…” Her heart began to pound at his lack of comments.

“Listen, about tomorrow night. I don’t think that will be a very good idea. I’m sorry that you’ve gone to trouble for it,” he said, hating his own lies.

“Sure,” she replied, overly brightly. “That’s fine. I’m sorry, Jack. I should have realized that you’re still working and wouldn’t have time. I could always bring you dinner and promise to not stay and bother you.” Hope dripped from her words, but she was helpless to stop them.

“I think that we probably shouldn’t plan anything at all. I thought this could be a good idea, but I’m really not what you need and…” he faltered, unaccustomed to not knowing what to say, “and I just don’t have time in my life to try to make something work.”

This time the silence came through loud and clear,but it was him on the receiving end. Hoping to soften the blow, he added, “You need someone who can come home to peach cobbler.”

Silence. No one spoke for a few seconds, the dead air hanging between them.

“That’s it, Jack? That’s all? What happened to you wanting me in your life?”

He had no answer.

“What about you claiming me? Or wanting to see where this goes? You’re just going to throw it all away before giving us a chance?” her voice rose in anger with each word.

“I’m sorry, Bethany. I just think we need to stop this before it goes anywhere.”

“Goes anywhere? Well, pardon me for thinking that letting a man suck on me with his fingers inside of me, as going somewhere. I guess I’m not used to being the incidental that you claimed I wasn’t!”

“You’re taking this all wrong,” he growled in frustration. “You were never casual. I can’t deal with my job, my business, and my life and have you in it as well.”

Her stomach churning, she blinked to keep the tears at bay. “Oh great, the oldit’s not you, it’s meline. That’s just an excuse and you know it. There are committed couples all over the world in jobs that require a lot of time and energy to make it all work. What you’re really saying is that you don’t consider me worth the trouble.” She threw the words out, praying that he would at least deny them. He did not.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he lied. “It’s just not what I want or what I need.”

A deathlike silence followed.

Jack’s fist clenched at his side, the desire to pound it into the wall was overwhelming, but he forced himself to not move.

“I think you’re lying,” she said, her voice shaking. “I think we could be good together. Or I did. The man I was interested in was caring. The man talking to me right now is selfish. Yes, Jack, selfish. You’re so determined to be a martyr to your business that you won’t consider your own happiness…or mine.”

Steeling himself for her anger, her words were like blows to his gut. It was on the tip of his tongue to apologize, tell her he was wrong, beg her to go out with him. But once again, he let the silence hang in the space between them.

“Well, I guess there’s nothing left to say. I want your cameras turned off, Jack. I won’t have my privacy invaded and if they’re not, then I’ll call the police.” She hesitated a moment before adding, “I’d like to say that I’ll get rid of Gram’s bracelet, but honestly, I need that. But I’ll be sending you a check to pay for the cost.” A bill or I’ll look online to see what the costs would be.”

Blinking again, this time unable to hold the tears at bay, she said, “Goodbye. I’m sure you’re very good at your job and I do wish you success with that. But…well, I guess I don’t have anything else to say. Goodbye.” She tried to disconnect just before the sobs took over. Tossing the phone down on her nightstand, she fell over on the bed, her heart aching.

Why should it hurt so bad? It’s not like I knew him for that long.The answers to her questions were staring herin the face.I was already falling for him and what I thought we could be. And now…She lay on her bed, sobs wracking her body, glad that Gram was fast asleep in the other room and could not hear her.

With Gram no longer able to be the companion she once was, her parents on the other side of the country, and the friends she had still back in Richmond, Bethany felt very alone. The sadness slid over her like a shroud threatening to suffocate her.

After crying until no more tears existed, she turned out the light, lying in bed knowing that sleep would elude her. She was right. For long hours, she thought of the dark and brooding man who had stolen her heart. And handed it back to her in shreds.What an idiot I am. He tried to tell me he had no place for me in his future when we first met. I should have listened to that man…not the one I was willing to give myself to!

Jack heard the sob just before she disconnected. He threw his phone across the room, not caring if it shattered. “Goddamnit!” he yelled at the empty room. Hanging his head in frustration, he gritted his teeth until he thought they would crack.She’s wrong. I'm not selfish! I’m thinking of her and only her. She deserves more than a man that works all the time. In a world that’s fucked up, dark, and full of terrors she can’t even imagine.

The vision of her smile filled his mind as he stared out into the black night. Her laughter. Soft touch. Bringing dessert to him and his men. No other womanhad ever tried to fit into his life, and it had made it so easy in the past to realize that his life would not mesh with theirs.But she was different. Giving. Ready to accept me for who I am…and what I do.Would it have worked? No way to know, but at least she had been willing to try.

Shaking his head, he forced his mind to think of the reasons why he was right.Better to end it now before it hurts more. Better than to let something grow and then find out it can’t work.

But staring out his window into the blackness, her smiling face still filled his thoughts…taunting him with what he had just destroyed.

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